Warmoth.com darrenriley.com Amplified Parts Lollar Pickups

Warmoth.com darrenriley.com Amplified Parts Lollar Pickups Guitar Pickups

Warmoth.com darrenriley.com Amplified Parts Lollar Pickups Guitar Pickups

Join Strat-Talk Today

Friend/ jam partner delima ? Input ?

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by ocean, Oct 7, 2017.

  1. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member

    Apr 14, 2015
    In a house
    Ok don't know where to start and where to end.
    Been about 3yrs been hanging around a friend, yes I considered a friend.
    Always went like this, he would invite me over to play some guitar, only when convenient for him. ( I get the fact people are busy) BUT not even once in 3yrs that I would message him if he would like to play has he ever said okay.
    Then life throws him curve ball, lost his job because of his own mistakes.
    Getting a little closer to present time, he would say let's jam and as usual I always go when he ask. And more than half the time I go over usually within 20minutes . He decides he doesn't want to play guitar.. But proceeds to ask for a cigarette which isn't that big of a deal, then it turns out to be 5 or 6 cigarette.. he knows my financial situation which isn't very good. At $110 for a carton of cigarettes it starts getting expensive.
    A little closer to present time. Come on over, play guitar for 15 or 20 minutes, then ask if I can buy him a couple of packs, again not that big of a deal, sure I like to help him out. Keep in mind I am still broke.
    Following week " come over let's jam "
    Get there no longer wants to play BUT can you lend me $20 don't have enough gas to pick up daughter, once again I say no problem.
    Same week come over let's jam, play for about a half an hour.. tells me I am his close friend, "wanted to tell you I am seeing a girl behind his wife " my response none of my business don't want to hear about.
    Closer to present time tells me to come over, go over says if he can't pay car insurance in 3 days he will be cancelled, didn't ask for the money but hinted at it.
    Present time tells me he is depressed and needs cigarettes to cope. and wants me around for someone to talk to
    . Totally get that been there myself.
    At present time I feel like I am at a crossroad.
    Do I keep helping him out ?
    Do I keep going over so he can avoid his wife ?
    Do I break free until he works out his financial and personal situation ?
    Yadi yadi yada.
    Don't know what to do. Hmm
     
    john lavelle likes this.

  2. john lavelle

    john lavelle Senior Stratmaster Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    52
    Aug 25, 2012
    North Carolina
    Armchair psychiatry...Take this with a grain of salt. I commend you for all you have done for him. I think the separation point came when he confided of his cheating. I suggest enabling him no more. He is now entered into "using you" stage. It's one thing to help a friend, but a pattern has formed, and it's so one-sided and unfair to you Ocean. Be candid next time he needs something. Tell him you care, but you just can't be his ATM. Best of luck my friend. Not a situation I wish upon anyone. You are a good man, and it's time to start looking out for you.
     

  3. Bodean

    Bodean smells like leather Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    50
    Aug 23, 2014
    South Carolina
    Doesn't sound like a friend, sounds like a leach. Just say hey man I got my own problems. I can't support yours too.
    110 a carton!!!!! Long past time to quit my friend.
     

  4. Stratoman10

    Stratoman10 Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Aug 24, 2015
    Va. Beach, Va
    Don't get sucked into his drama
     
    Strat-Slinger and ocean like this.

  5. john lavelle

    john lavelle Senior Stratmaster Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    52
    Aug 25, 2012
    North Carolina
    Took me a whole paragraph to say the same thing @Bodean. My girl quit cigs 2 years ago..I quit in 89. Too expensive!
     
    ocean and Bodean like this.

  6. Groovey

    Groovey Senior Stratmaster

    Age:
    57
    Nov 17, 2016
    NC. USA
    You've done enough. Sometimes one just must do without car insurance and cigarettes.
     

  7. Bodean

    Bodean smells like leather Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    50
    Aug 23, 2014
    South Carolina
    There is a time to be nice, then there is a time not to be gullible. The writing is on the wall.
     
    john lavelle and ocean like this.

  8. CigBurn

    CigBurn Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    60
    Jun 22, 2014
    The Shed
    You could probably use some distance and space from this. I'd start by declining the invitations to go over and "jam". Especially since that's being used as cover by him to put you on the spot, asking for favors.

    You may find that if you decline his invitations he will simply stop calling you since you are no longer of use to him, if that is the basis for his actions.
     

  9. Groovey

    Groovey Senior Stratmaster

    Age:
    57
    Nov 17, 2016
    NC. USA
    Oh, and you should still be able to be friends
     
    ocean likes this.

  10. henderman

    henderman Most Honored Senior Member

    Dec 4, 2013
    largo,fl
    When you are busy repairing your broken fence, do not stop what you are doing to help your neighbor repair theirs.

    if you do, when you get back to your own farm the rest of your animals will have wandered off and now you will have even bigger problems than when you were fixing your own fence.

    I now tell the people that call me for help that will not help me when I call them that I am busy and will get back to them, then they go and try to take advantage of someone else which suits me fine.

    True friendship IMO can only exist if you are friends for no "benefit" - (although there can be benefits from having and being a friend, but it is not real if they only want the benefit)...

    (When I quit smoking @ $35 USD a carton I was able to buy the used PRS I have had for 20 years and still live to play)
     

  11. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member

    Apr 14, 2015
    In a house
    Thanks for the kind words. Means more than you know.
     
    john lavelle and s5tuart like this.

  12. s5tuart

    s5tuart ...... Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    73
    Aug 8, 2011
    Bedford, UK
    I can't add anything to the above comments Fred, except to note that not-one has said stick with it!
     

  13. montemerrick

    montemerrick spiritual birthday, April 1 Strat-Talk Supporter

    In your whole story you don't mention any reasons that you like this guy. you say nothing positive about him, and you're complaining about him on the internet. none of that adds up to you need my or anyone else's advice.
     

  14. Scimmy

    Scimmy Strat-Talker

    Age:
    59
    353
    Jun 3, 2016
    Sunderland UK
    I'd imagine that his "friend" will react quite negatively to his meal tickets being stopped and the "friendship" will cease. To anybody watching, Ocean will be portrayed as the bad guy and his hapless friend will be the victim.

    From what Ocean tells us, the friend wanted things on his own terms before he got fired. What goes round comes round.
     
    john lavelle, ocean and Bodean like this.

  15. joe_cpwe

    joe_cpwe Strat-O-Master

    922
    Jul 21, 2015
    USA
    I missed the part(s) of the story where you had crucial conversations with him along the way. Did that happen?
     

  16. AncientAx

    AncientAx Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    57
    Nov 24, 2010
    Maryland
    You are becoming his personal ATM machine ....
     
    john lavelle likes this.

  17. Vjerilood

    Vjerilood Strat-Talker

    Age:
    52
    397
    Jul 30, 2017
    USA
    Probably a tweaker.
     
    john lavelle likes this.

  18. Vjerilood

    Vjerilood Strat-Talker

    Age:
    52
    397
    Jul 30, 2017
    USA
    Just prepare for the mother of all guilt trips.
     
    ocean likes this.

  19. Scimmy

    Scimmy Strat-Talker

    Age:
    59
    353
    Jun 3, 2016
    Sunderland UK
    Who? Me? Or Ocean after he turns the tap off?
     

  20. Rogue Bohemian

    Rogue Bohemian what? WHAT????? Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    66
    Jun 4, 2010
    Bacliff by Galveston bay
    Drop him like a bad habit. He's bad news from the word go. Leave him to his misery. He's wallowing in it.
     
    john lavelle and ocean like this.