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So my best friend "broke up" with me

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by diogoguitar, Sep 7, 2018.

  1. diogoguitar

    diogoguitar Senior Stratmaster

    Feb 2, 2012
    Northwest US
    TL;DR: I told my best friend's ex that she shouldn't come back to him and my friend never spoke to me again

    I've known this guy since 1995, we've been best friends ever since. We did high school, foreign language school, martial arts, travel, everything together. We struggled with things in college, going through the first job interview. Things like that.

    Fast forward 22 years later, this my friend had always had trouble with girls. I don't know a single girlfriend he hasn't cheated on. Several of these girlfriends wanted to have something serious (some of them were 38 year old or something and really wanted to start having a family with kids).

    With his last girlfriend was no different: she wanted to get serious, but he was always finding ways to jump over the fence.

    They had been broken up for over a year and she came to my city for touristing. I caught up with her and she was asking for my sincere advice, so I did: I told her not to come back to him because he will not want anything serious. They had been in and out for 3 years and no formal commitment yet.

    So she followed my advice. 3 months later, my friend came talk to me, saying "you betrayed me". I asked why, and he was expecting me to defend him at all costs, even if that would mean lie to his ex.

    I wasn't so keen to do that and I have my own reasons for not lie to people. After trading a few text messages with this friend, he blocked me from all types of communications. This was about 19 months ago.

    I tried to reach him several times, thinking he would forgive me ,but he never did. He never returned a call or email. Oh well.
     

  2. mw13068

    mw13068 Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 29, 2009
    Ithaca, NY
    Better to tell the truth and save everyone (you, the friend, and the woman) a miserable time.

    The friend can make it right if he puts his mind to it, but he probably just wants a shag, and to lead the woman along.

    Most people are better off single, and dating here and there.
     
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  3. Paperback Rocker

    Paperback Rocker Nitro-mancer Strat-Talk Supporter

    Sep 18, 2014
    Lewisville, TX
    Why does this say TL/DR at the front of it?
     
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  4. mw13068

    mw13068 Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 29, 2009
    Ithaca, NY
    abnormaltoy likes this.

  5. Paperback Rocker

    Paperback Rocker Nitro-mancer Strat-Talk Supporter

    Sep 18, 2014
    Lewisville, TX

  6. nickmsmith

    nickmsmith Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 28, 2011
    Pawnee, Indiana
    It’s a disclaimer that the sentence following it, is the story in a nutshell. if you don’t read the rest of it, you’ll get the main idea from that.

    It’s the TLDR version of the story.
    ———————————————————-
    But back to OP. I see both sides. I would be mad if my best friend were chatting with my exes behind my back, especially if it’s to talk bad about me. I’d likely have done the same thing as he did.

    And your side.. you were approached and asked to give your opinion.
    Best course of action might have been just to not give your opinion.. obviously it got back to your friend, probably from the girl herself. So seems like she evidently went to your buddy telling him all you talked about. But hindsight is 20/20

    Sounds like every side is at least a bit dirty in the deal. Lots of betrayal. (At least in his eyes) You betrayed him in a way, and looks like she betrayed you right back to him.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2018

  7. Swampash

    Swampash Senior Stratmaster

    Jun 13, 2012
    Here
    Do you have a vagina? If not, why the **** do you care?
     

  8. Nadnitram

    Nadnitram Senior Stratmaster

    Jul 18, 2017
    The Heartland
    Unfortunately, it sounds like he didn't value the friendship. In my opinion, his expectation for you to lie was unfair. It's a shame, and it sounds like you lament the loss of a friend while he wallows in self-pity.
     
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  9. nickmsmith

    nickmsmith Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 28, 2011
    Pawnee, Indiana
    But there is a 3rd option where you don’t lie, and you don’t throw ol’ buddy under the bus. Getting in the middle of a lovers quarrel is bad news almost 100 percent of the time, unless there is serious danger involved to one of them. That’s one of the only cases that I’d think it’s worth it.
     
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  10. rolandson

    rolandson Most Honored Senior Member

    one need ask forgiveness only when one has done something wrong.

    from what i've read, you did not do anything wrong.

    had you lied to a friend, then that is something you would be wise to seek forgiveness for. telling a friend what you see to be the truth is just that... a truth you've been asked to share.

    now for an old fellow's bit of wisdom. when someone is seeking relationship advice...

    run away very fast.
     

  11. Paperback Rocker

    Paperback Rocker Nitro-mancer Strat-Talk Supporter

    Sep 18, 2014
    Lewisville, TX
    If he cheats on all his girlfriends, he is a man of low moral character.

    He's not someone you want as a friend.
     

  12. abnormaltoy

    abnormaltoy BushBaby Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 28, 2013
    Tucson
    I wouldn't sweat the loss.

    It was 19 months ago.

    Maybe, at some point your friend will mature, maybe he'll regret treating her poorly.
     

  13. roger@pennyflic

    roger@pennyflic Senior Stratmaster

    Age:
    60
    Jul 4, 2013
    melbourne
    My brother cheated on his wife for 2 years before anyone found out. Broke up his marraige and family.

    I don't speak to him anymore... If he's happy to lie/cheat on his wife he certainly wouldn't have any problem lying to me. I'm out.

    @Swampash : you sound like a real swell human being.
     

  14. nickmsmith

    nickmsmith Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 28, 2011
    Pawnee, Indiana
    This is my real takeaway from this. When the ex sat down to “seek your honest heartfelt opinion”:

    95A6BED3-A421-43ED-BADA-F966DE5F35A6.gif

    If I were you, I might be having a chat with her, soon.

    No matter how scummy of a guy the friend is, nobody wants to find out from a 3rd party that their best friend has been talking bad about them behind their back, whether true or not. That’s a rough way to end a lifelong friendship.

    The honorable thing would be to talk to him directly about the behavior, not dishing to others about it. I know this, because I’ve been the backbiter before.

    You were put in a tough position, where the only option that doesn’t blow up in your face is retreating. Not a good place to be.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2018
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  15. thomquietwolf

    thomquietwolf Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    77
    Dec 2, 2010
    Peardale CA
    Well I've been giving this a thought....
    Read it all..
    Meditated a good long time(damn near ten minutes)

    And

    By gosh...
    Being perfect n all...

    Believe I'll go fishing....
    Because...


    Male friends
    Female friends

    Are just about as different from one another as orange juice and a bicycle with a broken chain.

    There is no 100% right answer
     
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  16. Nadnitram

    Nadnitram Senior Stratmaster

    Jul 18, 2017
    The Heartland
    I don't have a dog in this fight, so to speak. The OP has a 22-year history with the friend that can't be detailed, no matter how long the post. He also seems to have some measure of friendship with the young lady, since they maintained contact a year past the breakup.
    so I guess I'm willing to trust the OP's judgment on this one.

    On a totally separate note, @nickmsmith I love your location. My daughters have recently turned me on to P&R.
     
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  17. Lonn

    Lonn Mod Admin Staff Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Admin Post
    You did the right thing.
     

  18. nickmsmith

    nickmsmith Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 28, 2011
    Pawnee, Indiana
    It’s one of the funniest shows known to man. I could watch it beginning to end on repeat forever, TBH. So good.
     
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  19. henderman

    henderman Most Honored Senior Member

    Dec 4, 2013
    largo,fl
    The laws of the jungle are not about being moral or civilized, they are about sex, food and territory.

    You wrong stepped between an animal and it's mate. That is challenging the alpha so there will be action of some type, sometimes it is death.

    Guys call it bro's before ho's -
     

  20. Nadnitram

    Nadnitram Senior Stratmaster

    Jul 18, 2017
    The Heartland
    I haven't fully immersed myself in it yet, but I already love the character April. She reminds me of a co-worker.
     
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