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What's the difference between a large pizza and a guitar player?

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by jaybones, Mar 10, 2018.

  1. Nick Evans

    Nick Evans Senior Stratmaster

    Age:
    46
    May 8, 2016
    South Wales UK
    jtees4 likes this.

  2. Silvercrow

    Silvercrow Senior Stratmaster

    Nov 6, 2014
    Bucks County, Pa.
    Drawing attention away from guitar players for a moment:

    Two cars pass each other opposite sides of the road. One driven by a frog, the other, a trombone player. What's the difference?

    The frog might be going to a 'gig'!

    And my favorite (back to guitars):

    A guitar players dies and awakens in a large room, filled with all manner of people and equipment. As his eyes focus, he notes the room is FULL of guitar greats and excellent equipment! There's Hendrix!, BB King! SRV himself, on and on. Our newly departed notices a space next to where Hendrix is seated. Hendrix smiles and motions for him to sit down. As he does, a Strat magically appears in his hands! "WOW! There IS a rock & roll heaven, and I"M GONNA be part of the band!" he exclaims. Hendrix's smile fades and he says "Did you say..heaven?"

    With that, a door bursts open wide and a thin figure takes a seat behind the only drum kit in the room. A spot light shines on the drummer. "Alright, from the top; "CLOSE TO YOU'...one, two.." intones Karen Carpenter...

    Brian
     

  3. abnormaltoy

    abnormaltoy BushBaby Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 28, 2013
    Tucson
    If that was a synthesizer, the keyboard one would be the funniest of all time. Oh what am I saying it's still the funniest of all time.
     

  4. Mipstoo

    Mipstoo Senior Stratmaster

    Mar 18, 2013
    Rockingham Palace
    A father decided one day to take his son to get bass lessons. After the first lesson the father asks his son "What did you learn today?" The son says, "Today we learned about the E string. The after the second lesson the father asked, "did you learn anything cool today?" The son replies with, "today we learned about the A string". After the the third lesson, the father asked, "did you learn about the D string today?" The son said, "no we had a gig."
     

  5. Mipstoo

    Mipstoo Senior Stratmaster

    Mar 18, 2013
    Rockingham Palace
    A cop is walking past a bar and sees a guy beating up a kid in the alleyway, so he jumps in a pulls them apart.

    Cop: What's going on here?
    Guy: I'm the bass player in the band that is playing inside. This kid ran in while we were on stage and turned one of the tuners on my bass. ​
    Cop: So what's the problem?
    Guy: He won't tell me which one!​
     

  6. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 14, 2015
    In a house
    Need a king for my family of 4
     

  7. Paperback Rocker

    Paperback Rocker Nitro-mancer Strat-Talk Supporter

    Sep 18, 2014
    Lewisville, TX

  8. carver

    carver The East Coast Strangler Strat-Talk Supporter

    yo
    No way, you feed your family royalty too?

    We had king last night. tonight is left overs.. A little jester, a bit of queen, a little bit of prince, and we still have the fatty part of the king left. should make for a good meal.
     

  9. Mipstoo

    Mipstoo Senior Stratmaster

    Mar 18, 2013
    Rockingham Palace
    One day an old Blues guitarist dies. His caring wife decides that she would like a tribute to him at his funeral so she calls up his best former student and asks him to come to the funeral and play. The guitarist is honored and agrees to fly back to his home town and pay his last respects to his teacher.

    Things to go wrong from the start, his flight is delayed. When he finally makes it home his rental car won't start and he is again delayed. To make things even worse he gets lost on the way to the graveyard.

    As he's driving around on old, confusing, dirt roads he sees two men shoveling dirt back into a hole. He understands he's late and that the funeral is already over but he decides that the least he can do is still pay his respects.

    He gets in his trunk, pulls out his vintage martin acoustic, straps it on and walks toward the two men. Without saying a word he stands above the hole and begins to play. After a while he stops, bows his head for a moment and walks back to his car, puts the guitar back in the trunk and leaves.

    The two men are stunned at the sight. The first one says "Man, that was the strangest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
    The second one says " Yeah, me too, and I've been installing septic tanks for 30 years.''
     
    BallisticSquid likes this.

  10. Miotch

    Miotch Senior Stratmaster

    Age:
    57
    Jun 28, 2011
    ok
    How do you get your guitarist to turn down his volume?


    Put a chart in front of him.
     

  11. RnR Nolan

    RnR Nolan Strat-Talker

    Age:
    18
    204
    Sep 5, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    What's the difference between a couch and a guitar player?


    The couch can support a family.
     
    steveieg likes this.

  12. RnR Nolan

    RnR Nolan Strat-Talker

    Age:
    18
    204
    Sep 5, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Also, did you guys hear about the guitarist who crashed?


    He slammed his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck. It was much more than a Fender B-Bender. He ended up walking up the stairway to heaven.

    RIP
     

  13. dirocyn

    dirocyn Strat-Talker

    Age:
    43
    335
    Jan 20, 2018
    Murfreesboro, TN
    What do you do if your guitarist falls into the water? Throw his amp in after him!
    Why did the bass player stand outside all night? He didn't have the right key and he wasn't sure when to come in!
     
    ChukkerNation likes this.