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When you don’t recognize your friends anymore

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by alderre, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Green Craig

    Green Craig Senior Stratmaster

    Oct 15, 2012
    Michigan
    I had a fairly small group of real friends in high school (and before). My best friend and I got married in the same summer, so we invited each other to our own weddings. The difference was that all of his guests were from roughly the same geographic area that we grew up in...my own guests were from, quite literally, across the country: DC, Washington state, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Florida. Reason being, I got the hell outta Dodge after high school, and he went to the college right in his backyard. I made friends that I never would've encountered if I had stayed at home, and he stuck with the same guys he'd been hanging out with since age 12.

    Another thing I hadn't realized until shockingly recent is that those elementary/middle/high school friends were actually assholes. In college, I was taken aback at the fact that people were genuinely nice, encouraging, and invested in my well-being, since my friends growing up were superficially nice, but domineering (to the point of almost bullying), apathetic, and nihilistic. I wound up driving some people away who would've been amazing friends, but because I was raised in a hostile environment, thought that they had some weird ulterior motive.

    edit:
    I had to run for a few hours, so this was cut short.
    What I was trying to get at is that friendship means a lot of different things. To me, it's fleeting. I have many people that I consider lifelong friends these days, that I'll occasionally meet up with to grab dinner, coffee, or beer, but that geographic sphere has grown exponentially. Even in our wedding party, my best man and my wife's maid of honor have moved to Germany, one groomsman moved to Hawaii, and one bridesmaid to Alaska. We certainly don't keep in contact with them, except for the rare text or Snapchat conversation. And hell, regarding high school, I wasn't even invited to my own 10th reunion! It was planned solely on Facebook, and was only done so through the "core" group of people in charge of the alumni page. Just another nail in that coffin, IMO. It sucks for me because I want to be friends with someone local, but as mentioned above, I gained some of the absolute best friends a guy could ever have by getting out and away for a few years.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018

  2. Bodean

    Bodean Rock N Roll Ain't Noise Pollution Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    50
    Aug 23, 2014
    South Carolina
    Friends....That word has sorta perplexed me over the years. It gets thrown around to easily. Just because you talk to someone doesn't make them a friend, just because they tagged you on some social network doesn't make them a friend. I have found, in my life, most so called "friends" were just acquaintances. Just someone that took up space in a certain time in life. They come and go just like the minutes.
     

  3. 8T_BoCO

    8T_BoCO Aspiring Stratospheric Stratitician Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    48
    817
    Mar 2, 2016
    Colorado
    People change, some due to hardship that makes them rethink their approach to life, some due to their chosen profession, some due to partners, spouses or offspring.
    Unless you're there to witness these changes, encountering people in their 'new reality' can be a bit of a shock, since what works for them may confuse the hell out of you.
     
    ZlurkCorzDog likes this.

  4. alderre

    alderre Strat-O-Master

    832
    May 1, 2014
    New Braunfels
    Yep. It’s gone and it’s not coming back.

    Coincidentally, My son and I decided to start watching the Twilight Zone and i think the 4th episode in season 1 is an episode called “walking distance”

    I loved it, but it kind of triggered some strange emotions.
     

  5. Colnago1

    Colnago1 Strat-Talker

    110
    Sep 2, 2014
    Where am I?
    I tend to get really close to some people and then push them away and completely shut them out for no reason at all. I suffer from depression, I'm on meds that usually help. I can't seem to be friends for more than a year or two with people though.
     
    circles and alderre like this.

  6. Lonn

    Lonn Mod Admin Staff Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Admin Post
    nThis thread made me look up my friend from high school on Facebook. Apparently the last time we messaged was when I had my heart surgery back in 2010. I messaged him, saying "it's been 8 years, time to catch up" along with some other stuff. He messaged right back like it was just yesterday. Good start to a Monday, thanks.
     

  7. AndyFroncioni

    AndyFroncioni Strat-Talker Silver Member

    Age:
    57
    205
    Aug 14, 2017
    Montreal
    Sorry to hear...

    Let me offer an alternative viewpoint. It could be just a momentary thing, @alderre. Your kid comes down with a fever, and you're late on paying rent because you've had some unexpected expenses and the wife or husband is on your back because you're not spending enough time at home. Then you remember you have an old friend to meet and your head is somewhere else.

    Maybe this is relevant. Start at the 10m mark, but the speech is also the best one I've ever heard:
     
    alderre likes this.

  8. newplayeroldguy

    newplayeroldguy in the wind

    May 12, 2015
    north and east
    real friendship- I believe- requires effort on both sides

    that isn't possible when you don't see each other for 20 years

    several moves over the years have separated me from all of my childhood, high school, college, and early adulthood friends- it's nobodies fault, just life
     
    ZlurkCorzDog, circles and 8T_BoCO like this.

  9. wrong_note_rod

    wrong_note_rod Strat-Talk Member

    22
    May 17, 2012
    Atlanta
    Last year I lost three lifetime friends. Just one after the other, the blows wouldnt stop coming, each worse than the last. One guy I had known since I was 12 and we kept in touch the whole time, he lived not far from me. All three guys died before their time.

    2017 was not a great year. Too many funerals.
     
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  10. axis69

    axis69 Strat-O-Master

    Age:
    32
    864
    Feb 5, 2016
    LA
    Friendships are like plants,they need watering.There s a reason why friends from your past are from your past.I have good memories with friends from my youth but i have no interest in re connecting.A lot of them although academically,career inclined, were into mental obliteration via drinkng etc which ive always found childish especially when youre an adult.
     
    alderre and ZlurkCorzDog like this.

  11. rcole_sooner

    rcole_sooner Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Mar 11, 2010
    Norman, OK
    My problem is that I've "improved" my lifestyle a lot from when I was younger.

    I am no longer compatible with friends of my youth.

    I've tried putting the differences aside a few times, but it is really impossible ... especially with the missus .... we are just worlds apart anymore.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
    Polarbear and Photobug57 like this.

  12. Photobug57

    Photobug57 Strat-Talk Member

    Age:
    60
    66
    Jan 24, 2018
    Hebron, KY USA
    Ditto!!
     

  13. Biddlin

    Biddlin Senior Stratmaster

    Feb 11, 2013
    USA
    This ol' heart o' mine been broke a thousand times. I have a couple of friends from my "youth" with whom I am still close. My "best friend" passed when he was 45 and I barely older. Twenty yeas later and I am still devastated by the loss. A couple of years later, my longtime friend and band singer passed and I have not been able to play certain songs since because her absence is like a raw wound. I have made new friends, people I talk to and have coffee with now and then, but the depth of understanding is not there.
     
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  14. aiabx

    aiabx Strat-O-Master

    546
    Nov 27, 2013
    Toronto
    I was talking to my dad a few years ago, not too long before he died. I mentioned that I had heard his old best friend had died a couple of years before. He hadn't known.

    At that point, I resolved that wasn't going to let my friends slip away. Everyone gets regular invitations to go out for a beer or a ball game. I'll make the effort now to keep my friends from drifting off and not wait for 20 years to try and reconnect.
     
    axis69, Biddlin and Photobug57 like this.

  15. thomquietwolf

    thomquietwolf Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Age:
    77
    Dec 2, 2010
    Peardale CA
    Damn boys!!!
    Read all these...
    Listened to Pink Floyd 2, 3 times
    Now my eyes are all puff and stinging...
    And
    Nose is running
    Gotta take a shower
    Thanks a lot
     
    T Bone Slort and Photobug57 like this.

  16. Colnago1

    Colnago1 Strat-Talker

    110
    Sep 2, 2014
    Where am I?
    I really do prefer to be alone and not have friends, it's just less complicated. At least this is what I have convinced myself.
     
    rcole_sooner likes this.

  17. Dadocaster

    Dadocaster Dr. Stratster Strat-Talk Supporter

    Over the last few years I re-connected with some old and good friends and it was great.

    One old "friend" tried to re-connect with me and I did not respond. He and I were super close in High School and did all kinds of stuff together. As life went on, I came to the realization that while he probably did have some genuine affection for me, he was a terrible terrible person who did me a lot of harm. If I had to be around him in person, I would imagine I would only manage to be polite and...distant.
     

  18. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member

    Apr 14, 2015
    In a house
    Happened to me.. expressed my concern after 5yrs.. only to find out he was having a bad couple of years.. problems with the wife but never said anything about it at the time .
     

  19. fezz parka

    fezz parka On...for Omar. Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 21, 2011
    Undisclosed.
     

  20. tery

    tery Most Honored Senior Member

    Jul 31, 2014
    Tennessee
    Life happens ... or it does not .