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When you don’t recognize your friends anymore

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by alderre, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Groovey

    Groovey Most Honored Senior Member

    Nov 17, 2016
    NC. USA


    Nice two tone in the avatar!
    tery likes this.
  2. Groovey

    Groovey Most Honored Senior Member

    Nov 17, 2016
    NC. USA
    Ooh, nice one. Forgot about this little gem.
    fezz parka likes this.
  3. tery

    tery Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thanks - The Strat is a Korean Koa special edition that I just brought home today .
    Polarbear and Groovey like this.
  4. Mr C

    Mr C Senior Stratmaster

    Feb 17, 2016
    New Zealand
    When I go back to the town I grew up in it’s just depresssing. I’ll catch up with a couple of guys I want to high school with but there is really nothing of substance in common. Our life trajectories just went off in completely different tangents. I think people are either movers or stayers and it’s hard to reconcile those two things. I’m a mover - I need to change everything up periodically - go live in another city or country or change careers or something. My old home town buddies Lives just look like Groundhog Day to me.
    ZlurkCorzDog, axis69 and Tone Deaf like this.
  5. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 14, 2015
    In a house
    Well I am a stayer.. wonder what I missed out on.. wish I was a mover.
  6. Mr C

    Mr C Senior Stratmaster

    Feb 17, 2016
    New Zealand
    I don’t think one is better than the other, either way you miss out on something I suppose... I sometimes envy people who are close to their families, it’s always hard for me with my kids that they are on the other side of the world from grandparents and aunts and cousins etc...
    circles, ocean and Photobug57 like this.
  7. Photobug57

    Photobug57 Strat-Talk Member

    Jan 24, 2018
    Hebron, KY USA
    Was always one that tried to get away from the hometown mess but it seems life always brought me back.

    At least I live about an hour fifteen from the old home place but still visit one a week. My mom still lives there and needs to be checked on. Tried to get her to come live with us; we have plenty of room, so much that she could have her own apartment, but she won't.
    Fiercely independent.

    But, none of those friends that I grew up with live there anymore. Some have passed on, others moves because of jobs, closer to grandbabies, etc. Shoot, even my grandbabies are 2 hours from us but we get them every other weekend. Meet in the middle.

    I guess I never really had a real close friend, just acquaintances. As someone ready posted, just because you have FB and Twitter friends, that doesn't mean that there is a connection outside of the internet.
    Polarbear and ocean like this.
  8. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Senior Stratmaster

    Jun 10, 2013
    Hillsboro, OR, USA
    I'm sorry to hear it. It always hurts to know someone isn't interested in spending time with you anymore. Sometimes people drift apart for whatever reason.

    I had some experiences of losing friends when I was a very young kid.. There was another kid my age I knew in school who I hung out with a lot, we'd laugh about things a lot, and I felt like we were good friends. He had also invited me to his birthday party when we were 8 years old. But then suddenly it seemed that he wasn't interested in hanging out anymore. 4 years later, I realized it had been a while since I had seen or talked to him. I realized I still had his address written down. I wrote him a couple letters but never heard back. I called his home phone and got his dad and explained who I was, but he said he couldn't picture me off the top of his head. Years later, while I was unemployed and going to a job networking group, I happened to run into his dad who was also attending that group. He recognized my name and mentioned where his son was currently working. I also happened to come across his son's profile on LinkedIn. It seemed that he had changed quite a bit, and I felt a little awkward contacting him.

    There was another kid I used to hang out with at school when I was really young, and I remember his dad was an ass. For some reason, his dad thought I was some kind of bad influence or just weird or something and didn't want his son hanging around me. He told his son and 3 daughters all that I was some kind of weirdo and they shouldn't hang around me.

    Another friend of mine, who I met when I was 4, I'm still in contact with, though we don't talk very often these days. As we grew older, I often helped him with computer stuff (since I learned a lot about computers) and he'd help me with car repairs & such. One time, we had met up with another friend of his who was also fairly computer-savvy, and he said "I've seen some of the emails you sent". I didn't quite know what he meant by that, but I wondered if there was something I had said or done which is why my friend doesn't talk to me a whole lot these days.. We still keep in touch though every so often, which I guess is a good thing..
    ocean and Polarbear like this.
  9. wvincagold

    wvincagold Strat-Talk Member

    Nov 28, 2017
    West Virginia
    I kind of have a hard time relating. I left skid marks from my home town 2 weeks after graduation went to the Marine Corps and never looked back. I had 1 friend in the USMC by my definition, to be a true friend means you got drunk together, in jail together, and had (insert vulgarity) together. Hell that was a friday night. But all others have been nothing but acquaintances. My friend got out a year before me and back then well lets just say neither of us were the writing kind. That was 32 years ago. Since then I can say I have not had a friend (excluding my wife). Acquaintances will help you move. A friend will help you move a body.
    ocean, Polarbear and circles like this.
  10. Polarbear

    Polarbear Don Poleone Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 18, 2011
    After being on these boards for the last 7 years, it's hard not to wonder what happened to the 'old lot'

    Some I've seen come back, some haven't logged in for years. A few of those I see on Facebook and whatnot so I'm not too concerned about those.

    I like friends, and talking to people. I've never been a social butterfly, but I've never been a lone-wolf either so forums and online conversing is nice.

    I do miss my old friends from school and from years back, I would love to hit them all up but as people say 'different lives now'. Some are married with kids, some are just the opposite and haven't moved on from school.

    Gotta keep on movin' on I guess, cherish those memories but don't live in the past. I've been longing to go back to where I grew up but I'm afraid that it just won't be the same anymore.
    ocean likes this.
  11. Tone Guru

    Tone Guru Senior Stratmaster

    Dec 13, 2011
    Music City TN
    Kinda like the Steely Dan song My Old School.
  12. Stormy Monday

    Stormy Monday Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jan 19, 2011
    I had a first sergeant that used to say "you don't have friends in the army, you have buddies."

    But I love you, man.....
    ocean and Bodean like this.
  13. Rudi

    Rudi Senior Stratmaster

    Apr 19, 2016
    Acquatances have time,
    Friends take time for you. That’s my experience.
    circles likes this.
  14. Bodean

    Bodean Just A Simple Man Strat-Talk Supporter

    Aug 23, 2014
    South Carolina
    Well said. I thought your buddy was your rifle in the Army?:D
    Photobug57 and Stormy Monday like this.
  15. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    Apr 14, 2015
    In a house
    No , no friends left, no one I would trust anymore, unfortunately I will be digging by myself, but kinda prefer it that way
    wvincagold likes this.
  16. Mr. Lumbergh

    Mr. Lumbergh needs you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. Strat-Talk Supporter

    Jan 10, 2014
    Initech, Inc.
    I've been there. I had at least three very close friends that I don't talk to anymore. A lot of that is my own fault, I'm pretty introverted and I tend to let them call me rather than me calling them. But at least one in particular was a fast friend from my freshman year of high school and we were inseparable. Played together in bands, hung out every weekend, and I was his best man for his first marriage. Right around the time he was going through the divorce, he completely changed. I don't even recognize his personality anymore. :(
    wvincagold likes this.
  17. Believer7713

    Believer7713 Senior Stratmaster Silver Member

    Dec 27, 2016
    Things were a little different for me. I grew up in a fairly small town where if you sneezed the old lady on the other side of town knew about it before you could excuse yourself. All through school I really didn't have any friends that were my age and when I did it was when it was convenient for them. So I hung out with my dad and his group from church a lot. When I did finally click with a small group from school, they were a couple years younger than me when I was a junior because they were friends of the girl I started dating that year. After a couple years when a couple of the guys realized that my relationship with her was lasting they started getting jealous and I started to see that my "friends" really weren't my friends. She started to see that too and I quickly became an outcast without any friends or a girlfriend again.
    Fast forward a couple years and I started hanging out with and became close friends with two other guys and we did everything together. The problems started when one couldn't be happy without a bottle and trying to sleep with every woman he met even if one of the other two of us were already trying to date them. When that group fell apart I moved out of my birth town but kept in touch with the other friend for a while but then he stopped answering calls. I still had enough respect for him as a person that I still wanted him to be my best man but by that time I couldn't get so much as a "hi" out if him so my dad, who truly is the best man I know and has always had my back even through the rough times that caused me to NEED to leave that town (there is a lot more to that story) filled that role.
    None of my friends that I used to have would know anything about me now and the same goes the opposite direction. Not because I didn't try though.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  18. anderz

    anderz Senior Stratmaster

    May 4, 2014
    Where do I start?

    Well back in the mid '80s I went to a small school until the middle of 6 grade. The farm got into foreclosure by accident on my parents side.

    The family moved to the west of Denmark leaving the good years in terms of friends behind.

    Being from the mid of Denmark did not really fit into another small village class where the tight friendship could not accept me or my strange accent.

    8 grade was not much better.

    9-10 was 2 years in hell. Freedom clipped as school was based on Sunday evening to Friday under 50 students and teachers to keep you in check. Thanks but my parents had long ago taught me right from wrong.

    The lack of freedom I did not realize and became too arrogant in the process telling some to **** of being the ass holes they were.

    Though I discovered music and the desires to play guitar. Just because it sounded so cool.

    By 1991 I was my own man.

    Anyway in the last couple years I have realized I only know people for different purposes and that is enough.

    Some or rather most of my class from the mid '80s is now on a Facebook friend level. Contact is pretty cool and lately I got a like on a post of a class picture.

    My old friend who I had tried to locate on Facebook. So I send friend request and got soon accepted.

    I do work on moving back to my birth city as I have never lived there. From there I must see where 30 years has been and if there is still some reason to connect.

    There is definitely openness to it.
  19. dbbluesproject

    dbbluesproject Senior Stratmaster

    Nov 3, 2015
    Was he disinterested....or possibly a bit insecure about the situation because you haven’t seem him in a while?
    Maybe he was a bit nervous and that came off as disinterested?
    alderre likes this.
  20. circles

    circles Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

    I've been thinking about things like this recently, part of watching my parents age rapidly recently. I've been a rolling stone all my life, only bought a house and settled in about 10 years ago. If I start typing it will go on too long regarding the subject. I can't give a definition of one, but the closest thing to friends I have are my band mates. But that's solid, focused time, we don't 'hang out'. So, I don't know.
    Nadnitram and alderre like this.