Bandmates backed out today

Discussion in 'Bands on the Run' started by diogoguitar, Nov 21, 2021.

  1. soulman969

    soulman969 Most Honored Senior Member

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    Agreed but then why make the commitment to begin with? That's what annoys those of us who are experienced players who've been playing in bands for years. Why commit four hours a week to travel and rehearsals then say you can't commit to weekend gigs after you've been rehearsing for months?

    To me this is simple. You're either interested in gigging or all you want is to be in a weekly "Dad Band" where you get together with others, drink a few beers, eat some pizza, and play songs you want to play not necessarily what you need to play. That should all be put on the table upfront, not when you're ready to book gigs.

    I have no problem doing that when I have no other commitments but when I've spent months helping to bootstrap a band up to get prepared to play live for pay then is not the time to decide to resist that idea or pull out. If that's not what you're looking for say it upfront. Not saying it makes you non-professional anyway and pisses me off.
     
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  2. bbarott

    bbarott Most Honored Senior Member

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    I've found that many people, probably most people don't really know what they want. And there's also the manifestation of what I call 'the good old days' sort of thinking, people for whatever reason forget about the hard parts in days gone by. Maybe it comes from telling the stories, nobody really talks about the endless hours spent in personal practice, band rehearsals, setting up jobs, dealing with sound men, recording studios and promoters, etc etc. They just remember the rush from being on stage, watching your stuff disappear from the merch table and hearing your stuff being played out, having folks ask you about upcoming shows and the like.

    You're right, this is simple. But even simple is simply beyond many people. Not how it should be, doesn't make a lot of sense but there it is.

    Before I forget, best of luck with this effort. Get the right couple of guys clicking and the rest will happen eventually, but of course you already knew that ....:thumb:
     
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  3. heltershelton

    heltershelton Vivamus libero Vivamus duris

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    ive stopped relying on anyone to do anything they say theyre gonna do with the exception of a few people who i know will.
     
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  4. of this world

    of this world Senior Stratmaster

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    i've lived my entire adult life engaged in projects that are mostly self-assigned and require significant commitment and collaboration. i've never experienced a situation in which falkaey noncommital people messed things up. i mean, how did even get involved with collaborators in the first place? probabbly by working on **** together.

    the people who dont show up, aren't there. how would i spot them? how would i ever decide to work with them? they dont show up. the inconvenience of those who dont show up is self-limiting in this way.
     
  5. heltershelton

    heltershelton Vivamus libero Vivamus duris

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    what does this mean?
     
  6. Stubie78

    Stubie78 Strat-O-Master

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    I used to tell our bass player our rehearsal was at 7pm when it was at 8pm as he always turned up at least an hour late for a 3 hour slot.
     
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  7. diogoguitar

    diogoguitar Senior Stratmaster

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    My other band was more resilient. When someone wouldn't show up, we tried to fill in the missing gap.

    In retrospective, I think this was a bad weekend for most of the guys.
    • The drummer is showing signs of depression and his cat is really sick (he even missed a long-awaited show.. I only learned today)
    • The vocalist just moved into another house and will host a thanksgiving party... has tons of to-do's
    • (not sure what the excuse is for the other guitar player)
    Oh yeah, and we do have another drummer. But, he didn't respond to our messages when we confirmed the rehearsal...
     
  8. Groundwire

    Groundwire Strat-Talker

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    One thing I have learned is that humans are hard wired to try and avoid discomfort at all costs. They will go along with things for a long time, even when they’re not sure, because they don’t want to have a confronting conversation. Most people just tell you what they think you want to hear. When it comes time to deliver in earnest, that’s when most people show their true colors. Of course, it’s much worse this way, and it’d be a hell of a lot easier to just be honest from the beginning. But think of how many people go on dating someone they don’t really like, because they can’t handle to having one awkward conversation…

    Ultimately, to them, it was never a commitment to begin with. It was an idea. A plan. Real commitment is rare.
     
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  9. of this world

    of this world Senior Stratmaster

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    people who dont show up take themselves out of the running. the world is run by those who show up. at whatever scale. showing up is the first requirement for anything. i couldnt care less about people who dont show up.
     
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  10. soulman969

    soulman969 Most Honored Senior Member

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    Lessons learned brother and many the hard way.

    I think you're spot on as far as how many will handle potential discomfort which is why I've finally decided not to be the straw that stirs the drink any longer. I'll be more than pleased to be a sideman provided the gigs and the pay are acceptable.

    Working bands are still working because they have rules to govern nearly ever situation they may possibly face. They typically have first call subs as well. Show up late once too often and your sub now has your spot if he wants it.

    Just one example from my initial post is we all told the guy running the blues band we would not do anymore free gigs as auditions and we expected $$$ per man per gig. He pulled rank and booked another freebie anyway and we pulled out.

    It was just him on guitar and his harp player and unless he could whip up a Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee act real quick like my guess is he didn't play it either.