Guitars (or any musical instrument) and relationships

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by CalicoSkies, Jul 23, 2020.

  1. dbolt

    dbolt Strat-O-Master Silver Member

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    My wife is better than I deserve. She tolerates the guitars and amps the same way she tolerates the motorcycles, boats, guns, tools and RC helicopters. Surprisingly she is not onboard with my desire for a banjo.
     
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  2. Wayfinder

    Wayfinder Strat-Talker

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    In most cases it's more about obsession and compulsive behavior. If it's a matter of jealousy... maybe the player really needs to look at how he views his relationship.

    Your spouse should be at the top of your priority list. If she's a good wife, she will be there when you're down on the bottom, and help lift you back up. She'll nurse you when you're sick, help put food on the table when you can't do it on your own, and if you're blessed give birth to, care for, and raise your children to be wise and useful adults.

    If a guitar (or anything) becomes more important than she is, that's time to realize that guitar is just a thing, and is not worthy of being "loved". Enjoyed yes. Cherished yes... but not anywhere near so much as one cherishes one's wife.

    If you own several guitars, ask yourself how many things your wife owns that are as costly. (In some cases, maybe she has obsessive / compulsive issues as well.) We all need to realize that material things are temporary and perish... and that includes guitars. If you're a musician, a guitar can help put food on the table, but it won't cook it for you. A guitar is a thing, no more important than your television, stereo set, or automobile. While these things can hold prominence in your life, they are servants. Your wife is the queen of your Kingdom. If she treats you like a King, count your blessings. If she doesn't, maybe self-examination will help reveal why.

    We never wish to be selfish. We always want to put our mate ahead of everything. Today that may seem like an antiquated thought, but your wife will still be with you when your job fires you after 20 years of dedication. If she isn't... maybe it's because we bought one too many guitars. ; )
     
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  3. FrieAsABird

    FrieAsABird Strat-Talk Member

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    My wife is fine with me and my guitars, and she even understands that a Strat is not a Strat- you need more than one. She has her hobbies, I have mine, and neither one of us would ever go overboard with spending. The main difference is that my hobby takes space, mainly- hers not is much. She keeps bees and houseplants and likes gardening, I like to stare at guitars and sometimes play them. We have never had any kind of problem about that, and to be honest, the would have been a dealbreaker for me! Everybody needs a hobby, something to focus on besides work and family. We were a couple for over six years before getting married, so we knew each other and our ticks. Worked out for us, I guess!
     
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  4. rbspql

    rbspql Strat-Talker

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    I have just one Stratocaster and a Seagull acoustic. And a small practice amp. It is already enough to bother my wife's sense of room aesthetics (I also have a hifi system with turntable and small floor cabinets). So she complains I take up too much space for my stuff... ;-)
    In general she is ok with my gear for music (it is fairly limited: I don't buy other stuff, just what I need; my pedalboard and amp are in the rehearsal space).
    She is a bit jealous of my guitar and my band. Of course, she and our son are at the top of my interests, but "I am" a guitar player, I can't do without it. She knows and accepts this. When we fight, the issue is often brought up (I just care about my guitar and band, etc... etc....).
    It is not a matter of choosing guitar over spouse. It would not be fair to ask me to stop playing because of her. If someone does, maybe there's something bigger that's wrong behind the request. That's why I wouldn't stop for such a reason. It doesn't mean I care more for my guitar than my family.
    Then there is this idea that playing in a band is a teenage thing and family men that still do it are kiddish and ridiculous... but, you know, it's a tough job... ;-)
     
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  5. Mason Gordon

    Mason Gordon Strat-Talk Member

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    "guitars off their stands and onto the floor"!!; did you remember to use something to erase your footprints leading to her burial place?
     
  6. riverbear

    riverbear Strat-Talk Member

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    My wife asks me to play more often than I do. I have a study to play in upstairs and a studio downstairs. I prefer the studio but she likes when I play upstairs. I use my money to make my purchases not the household funds so she never complains about my spending. As a matter of fact, she is almost always with me when I buy musical gear. Her opinion is really great (and needed) when I am trying to choose between two guitars. She is a great woman and I am really lucky
     
  7. keys88

    keys88 Strat-Talk Member

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    My wife was actually super supportive when I wanted to make my first big guitar purchase years ago (my R7 Goldtop). But that was a long time ago when we barely had any responsibilities. The world looks a little different when you have a mortgage, multiple car payments, school tuition for two kids, etc. Would she get pissed now if i ran out and spend $1-2k on a new toy for myself? Absolutely. But I would get pissed at her too if she did something like that. We're a team and we have other financial responsibilities in life.

    But she does understand it's a hobby for me and she's still supportive of that. I occasionally trade guitars locally just to try something new, and she doesn't care if I kick in a few bucks to "trade up" once in a while. But I try to keep it reasonable. I'm not running around amassing a giant unnecessary collection of instruments, lol.
     
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  8. Scott Baxendale

    Scott Baxendale Strat-Talk Member

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    Years ago, in the late 80’s, when I was building guitars in Dallas I had the opportunity to build two guitars for Joe Walsh through my connections with the Hard Rock Cafe. When I delivered the second guitar I built for Joe he was doing a show at the Hard Rock in Dallas. I had met with Joe before the show and gave him the guitar which he played on stage that night. As the show was starting I was standing in the wings where the back door entrance was when the woman who was Joe’s wife at the time showed up to get in but didn’t have a pass. The bouncer wouldn’t let her in even after she said she was Joe’s wife. She was pissed, to say the least.
    After the show Joe invited me back to the hotel to hang out and talk guitars. When I showed up the tour manager told me I would have to wait a bit while Joe dealt with his wife....? After 45 minutes he came down and told me I could go up to the room. As I got off the elevator and was walking toward the door Joe’s wife was walking out yelling “Goddammit Joe when the **** are you going to grow up and get a real job!!” I went into the room and the lamp was on the floor, the chair on it side and the pictures all crooked on the wall. Joe and I stayed up until 10 am drinking, snorting, smoking and jamming and talking guitars! We both needed to get sober by that time and ultimately his wife was right! It was a night I will never forget. I was convinced that a long term relationship was impossible at that moment because he had achieved all the success in music that should have quelled that argument.

    One thing is true though, no one goes to the four better than Joe Walsh! He’s better than ever now, too! How Walsh is a true guitar legend.

    Luckily, for me the fourth time was the charm and I’ve been happily married to my bass playing wife for over 10 good years.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2020
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  9. BallisticSquid

    BallisticSquid Most Honored Senior Member

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    I have numerous guitars, MFX units, PA equipment, MIDI keyboard, etc. My wife doesn't necessarily understand why I like to have multiple guitars but she it OK with it as long as they don't take over the house. I am at a point where if a new one comes in, one should go out. I have what I need anyway.

    It's a running joke about me buying guitars. I say it's cheaper than buying sports cars :).

    I'm a very practical person so I don't make big purchases easily. She has actually pushed me over the edge on a couple of my guitars. She probably got tired of having to listen to me hem and haw about it :D.
     
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  10. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member

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    I wasn't trying to say it's okay to put guitars or anything else above a spouse. Naturally, a spouse is more important. Too much compulsive behavior and excessive unnecessary spending are bad, but in moderation, we should be able to respect our spouse's hobbies & interests. :)
     
  11. stratmister

    stratmister Strat-Talk Member

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    my family has always been supportive of my habit. I think it's in the selection of one's mate where one must choose like minded person who shares a love for music.
     
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  12. Dsteelman50

    Dsteelman50 New Member!

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    I met my wife at a gig when we were both in college. She knew my dream was to play music and she married me and the music career. After the first 30 years or so I had extra income that was just for music instrument purchases. When I had sold several guitars she asked how many I have. When I counted 19 she said" You need to buy another one so it's an even 20. I hit the jackpot with her and we just celebrated 47 years of her supporting me in EVERY way. I play every weekend and she goes with me most of the time and loves the music and my playing. I AM BLESSED!!
     
  13. misterwogan

    misterwogan Senior Stratmaster

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    It has nothing whatsoever to do with music. It is all about control and who has it.
     
  14. Scott Baxendale

    Scott Baxendale Strat-Talk Member

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    Perfect Pitch: Is when you throw a banjo into a dumpster and it takes out a cello on the way in.
     
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  15. 3bolt79

    3bolt79 Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

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    I am lucky that my wife adores me. She practically worships me, which can be a little uncomfortable at times. She would never take out her anger on my guitars. She appreciates that I’m in the “one a month” club.
     
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  16. misterwogan

    misterwogan Senior Stratmaster

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    Could you not perhaps move that on a tiny bit? To maybe perhaps... have her actually kneeling at an altar upon which sits your effigy!
     
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  17. 3bolt79

    3bolt79 Most Honored Senior Member Strat-Talk Supporter

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    There is nothing better that a Queen who lets you be King. My wife doesn’t have an expensive hobby. But she likes jewelry. Almost every piece that she has are gifts from me. All but the two rings that the kids bought for her. When we were shopping for wedding rings, many years ago, she was like a kid in a candy store. When we got together, we both had nothing. She doesn’t shop for jewelry for herself. But she is so happy when I present her with new earrings or a necklace.
     
  18. misterwogan

    misterwogan Senior Stratmaster

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    I now understand - why she adores you.
     
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  19. aiabx

    aiabx Strat-O-Master

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    My wife is a trained classical musician. She was doubtful when I took up the electric guitar, but was pleased when she found I was serious about it. She (with help from my old school friends) bought me my '57 AVRI as a 50th birthday present, so I take that as being supportive.
     
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  20. Lost Sailor

    Lost Sailor Strat-O-Master

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    My ex said that I loved my guitar more than her....turns out it was true