Guitars (or any musical instrument) and relationships

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by CalicoSkies, Jul 23, 2020.

  1. johnted

    johnted Strat-Talk Member

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  2. johnted

    johnted Strat-Talk Member

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    I have played music since 1964, and have very seldom encountered a woman who cares much about instruments; even the few who were very good players seldom loved their instruments as men do. I suspect that it goes back thousands of years when a man's weapons (his "axe?") meant life or death, plenty or starvation. My wife loves music, and is a great singer, but cares little about microphones as long as they work. She listens to my guitar raves because she loves me, and is glad to see me happy with my Strat that plays so well.
     
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  3. Mansonienne

    Mansonienne Mod admin Staff Member Strat-Talk Supporter

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    My husband is very supportive and proud of me. He doesn't give me a hard time about gear but trusts me not to buy anything we can't afford.
    My two teenagers, however, are a different story...:sneaky: ("Mom, you do NOT need another guitar. Buy me an electric scooter instead!")
    Frankly, if my partner had a hard time with me doing something I really love, we'd have a problem....
     
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  4. ido1957

    ido1957 Senior Stratmaster

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    I had a girlfriend who was super insecure and it made playing with a female singer absolutely miserable.
    Luckily she is not my wife (of 31 years now) who supports my hobby. I passed most purchases by her but I bought fairly seldom as my priorities were family and bills etc etc. Over 40 years I've bought 5 guitars and a couple of amps and so its not a big deal.
     
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  5. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member

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    It looks like you quoted my message but you don't have a reply..? Not sure what happened there
     
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  6. JB74

    JB74 Senior Stratmaster

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    There's a lot of false bravado and distorted reality in this thread.

    just saying...
     
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  7. JB74

    JB74 Senior Stratmaster

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    ***THIS^^^^^^^***

    effing KIDS!
    expectations VS reality!
    I have the best retort for you @Mansonienne :

    "Mom, you do NOT need another guitar. Buy me an electric scooter instead!"

    "My Dear Child, The time has arrived when you will learn a valuable life lesson"

    "What do you mean, Mum?"

    "Work will set you Free"


    There's the other way of course....
    It contains inappropriate language and is not suitable for this forum.
    Many of us will recall "that conversation".
    Most of us learned the lesson - and quickly.
     
  8. duzie

    duzie Senior Stratmaster

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    Just this thread ? :D
     
  9. ibdrkn1

    ibdrkn1 Strat-Talker

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    I feel like my X-wife was jealous that my passion stayed the same & didn't become her. I don't know why she thought it would. IMO opinion, men love their ladies for who they are & hope they don't change while the ladies love who they think their guy could be then get angry when they don't change.

    It got to the point where I pretended not to be me until I hated life in general.

    I'm not going to pretend I'm not a guitar addict because 100% I am & have been since 11 or 12 years old. That being said the money investment part of my collection happened in my late teens to early 20's. After that the value of my collection comes from being good at buying, selling & trading. My collection has been harvested multiple times in my life to fund house repairs & other bills (divorce, lol).

    I've made sure my current GF is fully aware of what guitars mean to me. I have no other vices or hobbies & I continue to make money doing what I do. And yet, when I had the opportunity to buy back my most beloved guitar (Lucille) of all time & I had a collection of guitars I really didn't care about that could easily pay for it, the idea of me buying such an expensive guitar almost tore us apart. It didn't seem to matter that the only reason I owned the house I asked her to move into was because I had sold my Lucille to keep the house afloat before we met. The new furnace was 5 other guitars. None of which paid for by my paycheque.

    My experience with guitars is extensive. My experience with women and guitars is limited. So for me 100% of the women I have lived with found my passion exciting and intriguing until they lived with me, then it was a problem.

    Anyway, I bought back that F'ing guitar & I know whoever I'm with will never understand. If ever I'm forced again to choose between a relationship or guitars I will always choose guitars as I know who I'll become when I pretend to be someone else & that won't help anyone.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2020
  10. Philo426

    Philo426 Senior Stratmaster

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    Gibson 335 Lucille model?10 grand or so?
     
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  11. JB74

    JB74 Senior Stratmaster

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    Sounds like you need a pre-nup to protect yourself, from yourself.... :D
     
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  12. dante1963

    dante1963 Senior Stratmaster

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    You might still find someone out there who understands. I did.

    I think the secret may be to not “settle.”

    I spent my 20’s and early 30’s (13 miserable years) living with a woman I should not have spent 13 minutes with, all because I thought she was the best I could do.

    When we met, I was a struggling writer and I warned her that I would probably be poor my entire life.

    She found that to be incredibly romantic. Right up until she figured out that “poor” actually meant “poor.” She had gone to one of the most prestigious (re: richest) high schools in St. Louis, but still somehow viewed herself as some kind of half-assed warrior poet. But she was more like Thoreau (who “went to live in woods so he could live deliberately” while, never acknowledging that his cabin was 1/4 mile from town, and he could walk over to the pub any time he wanted.) She was like that. The idea of being a writer was better than the reality. So she set about, night and day, to turn me into somebody else. Which I did.

    But, it turns out, I hated that guy’s guts.

    So, she kinda won. I stopped being a writer, and started making more money.

    But not with her.

    Now, ironically, I live in the kind of house she would have loved, and the last I heard, she was living in some crappy apartment and I can only assume making some other poor bastard’s life miserable.

    But here is the funny thing: my now girlfriend of 18+ years actually encouraged me to quit the job I despised and to pursue the things I love.

    So I do something else for a living, something I don’t despise, and if want a guitar, or an amp, I don’t ask for permission.

    And she doesn’t ask my permission to spend the money she earns on what she wants.

    It’s funny how if you start out as equals, everything is easier.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2020
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  13. ibdrkn1

    ibdrkn1 Strat-Talker

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    Lol. Maybe.
     
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  14. ibdrkn1

    ibdrkn1 Strat-Talker

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    I'm not sure what my X-wife wanted. I still have the same job I had before I met her. I've been there for 22 years (was married 12 years, have been divorced for 7). I still don't hate my job, it just isn't my passion, never was & never will be.

    If I look at who she dated before & after me I might have had more success as a drunk screw up who can't even hold down a steady job. I do think she expected to have the same life her mother had never going back to work after the kids came(& she never did). I guess she assumed I'd quit the job I don't hate & something that paid twice as much would just fall into my lap.

    Her current husband is a lot like me in temperament but his passion is trains. Lol, trains. He seems like a decent guy I'm not afraid to have my daughters around.

    One thing I do know is "Happy Wife, Happy Life" is not solid relationship advice. Depending on who you're with it can be a prison sentence. A person who is joyful will find joy & a person who is woeful will find issue with anything. No one can make someone else happy. They are in charge of their happiness. The goal is each to be able to be happy on their own & then each be happy but in the others company.

    Another thing I know is pretending to be someone you aren't doesn't work well in the long term. In my case I ceased to be able to find joy in anything & I went to a pretty dark place that I was very close to not getting out of.

    So there's no point to me denying myself what I'm passionate about. I become a useless human.

    Guitars bring me a lot of joy & I don't know many other people who's hobby/passion/addiction are not only self sustaining but actually profitable.
     
  15. ibdrkn1

    ibdrkn1 Strat-Talker

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    I assume this one is for me. Nah, my Lucille was gigged heavily by the first owner & then again with me. In my neighbourhood when a Lucille comes up, it's usually around $4000-5500 CAD depending on year.

    I fire sold mine for $1700 to studio in Toronto in 2013 & bought it back for $2700 CAD (so like $500 US lol). I sold it way under value, then B.B. passed away & they moved production from the Nashville plant to the Custom shop, changed the build quality & doubled the price. These Nashvilles have been on a steady climb since. Not that it matters. When I bought it the first time it was supposed to be a "Lifer", maybe this time that'll be true.
     
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  16. OttoG

    OttoG Strat-O-Master

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    Hahahah I thought it was a myth.

    So my GF was pretty chill at the begining, I played for her a couple of times. So a year since, I got a couple of pedals, and she started asking why and how much were they. So I felt it was a bit intrusive, since I dont take account of her stuff hahaha.

    Last guitar I bought I didnt told her, so once she saw it she asked me why I didnt; I said "I take care of my finances, I'm responsible, so I spend money in things that make me happy". She said that she was sorry, that I was on my right to buy it, but she wanted to be part of it as well, so no more hiding stuff.
     
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  17. Stevn

    Stevn Strat-Talk Member

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    My wife says I have G.A.S.
    Guitar Acquisition Syndrome!
     
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  18. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member

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    Communication is definitely important in a relationship. It helps when you share things so at least you know about each other & what's going on. Also, when you communicate & share with each other, I think that helps create a bond between you two which is good for the relationship. I'd try not to be afraid to let her know if you want to buy something, do something, etc..
     
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  19. Esg877

    Esg877 Strat-Talk Member

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    My wife used to complain about me buying lots of guitars. When I sat down to have a good conversation w/ her, I understood it had various reasons:

    - She thought it was a compulsive behaviour, and therefore, not healthy (imagine if your wife buys dozens of expensive designer shoes and litters the house with them, and never even uses them. Wouldn't you think that's not healthy?);

    - She feared it might get worse, and I would start spending more money than I could afford;

    - She thought I played too much, and that time should be spent more with the family (kids need attention from parents, you know);

    - She resents that I used to go to every band rehearsal like a cult, but many times make excuses not to go to social events with friends or family.

    - And to top it off, I only play blues and old school rock, and my wife enjoys brazilian music only (old school samba like Paulinho da Viola and bossa nova, stuff like that) . So my playing wasn't her 'thing'.

    These issues were solved in due time:

    - I became a serious practicing meditator, and over a few months it became clear to me that it WAS INDEED a compulsive behavior. I sold/gave away most of my guitars, that I didn't play anyway, and I kept the few ones that I really love. She was so pleased she actually suggested I'd hang them on the wall. (I also became a minimalist, sort of like Five Watt World preaches on youtube). Solved.

    - With age, I became more financially confortable, so the (rare) occasional gear-spending does not concern her so much anymore in that regard. She knows we'll never be homeless. Solved.

    - I started to spend more time with the kids and family, and oddly enough, I felt better, happier, and my practice time became more satisfying, albeit shorter. Solved with great results.

    - I became older and realized that being in a band (for me) was mostly about the 'cool factor' and totally an egoic thing. I gave up bands and became a bedroom player. I do miss some of it, like the thrill of the stage, but it was always more trouble than it was worth, anyway. Solved.

    Of course, I only went through these efforts because my wife is fantastic, the best person I've ever known, and I thought my family more than deserved it. YMMV.
     
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  20. Esg877

    Esg877 Strat-Talk Member

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    :D:D LOL!!!!

    ...on a side note, I once saw an electric guitar/cello duo, and they actually sounded pretty amazing...

    But if you ever see me with a banjo, rest assured the aliens have started to take our bodies, and I'm gone.
     
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