Headed for OK City

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Sep 18, 2020
Keep positive ! Good state of mind is the way to recovery and this will help your bro ! Best wishes to you both


Mod Admin
Staff member
Jul 6, 2014
Carmel IN
Family drama always shows it’s butt. I gave my ex SIL my brother's laptop and printer. I never thought about him having saved passwords and accesses but she posted on his FB account and messaged his roommate asking for things we already told him he could have. Then it hit me……she may be able to access his bank accounts (and she’s the type to do so) so I’ve spent the morning getting both of them locked until I provide a death certificate. Geez.


Dr. Stratster
Nov 1, 2019
State of Disbelief

Get several more certified than you think you'll need. Given you live far away, sure a shootin' someone will ask for one for something and it'll be a hassle to get from a distance.

Dain Bramage

Jan 12, 2012
Sympathies; I've been on your brother's end as well. We all have to go, but when it it so close it comes into much sharper focus. I hope all goes well for the both of you.


Dr. Stratster
Silver Member
Dec 2, 2010
Peardale CA
My oldest surviving brother apparently has had a few heart attacks in the last 12 hours and is in the hospital doing poorly. Last update I got he was in the heart catheter lab looking for blockages. That was about 4 hours ago. I’m about 3.5 hours into my drive from Indy. He’s been really overweight for many years and just turned 65 in April which is an old man in my family. Nobody has been that old for a couple of generations. Anyway, not looking for sympathy I guess it’s just cathartic writing it down. Waiting for an update from the nurse it’s tough. Still not sure if I’m going for a visit for a funeral.

How are you doing?


Senior Stratmaster
Jun 5, 2021
Palm Coast, FL
Are they heart attacks or strokes ? Either way it's not good. Just make it as comfortable as possible for him. Just been my experience of observations with relatives, when the attacks cluster, they're unpredictable and generally the ICU staff is just waiting for the inevitable as they can't possibly predict the next sputter of a heart failure or stroke. It's gut wrenching. I was my Dad's caregiver for the final 2 years, was really just hoping I would be awake to catch it and get him to the ER & ICU. He was 96.5, but I also had an 18+ yo dog that had a heart murmur and was end of life. In the end they got Dad stable enough for a discharge to hospice. It was a matter of where the hospice would take place as the hospital had a facility nearby or that he would go home. With the go home option he lasted about 5 days with hospice & home health and he passed in his sleep. The dog, we put down 21 days earlier because it was the same situation, wouldn't eat, too weak to really go to urinate & poop. Mom passed away 5 years & 5-6 weeks earlier. I just recall Dad saying to me on that 5 year anniversary. "I just don't want it any more." With that, he was referring to Krispy Kreme doughnuts that at the end he ate because it was a moot point whether his diet was strict or not. He was eating more pills rather than solid food.

Hate to sound like the grim reaper, but go in with every moment being a gift with low expectations and you'll be prepared to handle it better, I kept thinking Dad & dog had a rebound that would last longer than it did. I didn't want either to miss a quality moment, but the pain must've been unbearable at a certain point. Morphine administered on the gums was that relief. I often reflect back & wonder how coherent either was. Morphine for humans is as close to what pets get for Euthanasia. I had an Aunt that had bone marrow cancer, my Mom & another aunt & uncle told me how that was, that was direct injections of morphine. Once a cancer spreads it's just awful. With heart attacks & stokes, I noticed with Dad, he was slowly being deprived of O2, his brain was retarding, other body organs failing from lack of O2 too. Whether it was a retardation process or the morphine, Dad just wasn't Dad the last 48 hours of his life. I post this for those who have never been around it and no matter how anyone sugarcoats it, that's the end of life for any of us. How any of us lives going forward, even a preparatory post won't prepare you for the actual moment. I recall my Mom after the stroke, she had 2 of them, she didn't get the miracle drug that may or may not reverse a milder stroke. She looked like she had run a marathon for exhaustion. Later, she would have mini-strokes and then they started to cluster. Her brain, she reverted back to child-like fantasy that she would recover and she needed a feeding tube and staff to get her to be able to excrete. Like Dad, she passed in her sleep, possibly the best way to go though. Fell asleep & never woke up. It's been 3+ years since Dad passed away, to this day I still see ghosts of the last 2 years living with him, all the memories of Mom, Dad & dog. Of anyone on planet Earth, I'm the only one to shovel dirt for burial of the 3 of them. The cemetery even had gone thru staff during that time. We did have the same priest though. I buried the dog's ashes in a midnight ceremony of my own. Chloe was Mom's dog, she left her for Dad and they both got to the finish line together pretty much.

The least I could do was reunite them all in a final rightsized retirement home. If there were a way I could give each more from my time bank to have tightened that departure up, I'd have cut that deal without hesitation. Then again perhaps better that there is a bigger lag, that way catastrophic loss isn't all at once.
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Marky Forrest

Strat-Talk Member
May 31, 2020
So sorry to read about your loss. I've lost 2 brothers and 1 sister and mother and father. Not to compare... just to let you know that someone knows how painful your loss is. My prayers are with you and your brother.

Robert Graf

Mar 20, 2016
Broadview Heights
The worst part of this sort of thing is seeing someone you love totally helpless and you helpless as well. He's on a ventilator and it seems like he's struggling to breathe at times which is horrific to watch. The nurses station is literally right outside the door though and they're super attentive. He's in good hands.
Someone I know was told they needed a pacemaker, so I told someone who was going to visit him to have them check for a magnesium deficiency. They didn't even bother. However, they just administered a magnesium drip. An hour later, they informed him that his heart function had returned to normal and he would not need a pacemaker. Modern medicine is all about prescriptions. If it was me, I'd be taking magnesium, vitaminc (megadose) and niacin (not niacinamide, time release or flush free) as it is a vasodilator. Magnesium is responsible for muscle relaxation. Also, I'd at least get a mouthful of peroxide, as I've found that difficulty breathing was eased almost imediately if I woke up with breathing difficulty back before I started with a good nutritional supplement program, as I was heavy smoker. Suffered from recurring respiratory problems and irregular heartbeat. I still smoke, although not quite as heavily (I do inhale cigars) but the irregular heartbeat and repiratory problems are gone. Pure niacin is not only a vasodilator (opens the cappilaries), it helps clear the lungs. Hope it all turns out better soon.
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