How many here are Biolar or suffer from depression?

[Malikon]

Malikon

After reading your poem I think that If you are adverse to taking meds there is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's not so much what you think, but how you react to those thoughts. Your poem is full of conflicting loops of positive and negative, self doubt and belief and the inability to change. You can break this viscous cycle by understanding the reason you are there and then to take steps to change your perceived cognitive reality.

Conflicting loops of positive and negative is correct, I usually think of it as logic vs emotion.

Understanding the reason I'm here? I'm pretty sure I'm here for global domination, I gots plans! Still working the bugs out though.

 

[Bangbang]

I lost the use of my legs at the age of 13 from a surfing accident, I suffer Depression, Anxiety Attacks and Panick Attacks ever since, Just be happy you can walk, hear, see.
Music has always helped me through my really down times, but Finding Guitars, Amps and people like all of you have helped me boyond belief
Thanks to you all

SOL Guitars
www.solguitars.net

Damn! I feel stupid for complaining.

 

[capt_goodvibes]

damn. i had no idea. sorry to hear about your accident. and glad that you've found some solace in guitars and this forum.

the problem with real depression, like what i suffer from, is that it's biological...and you can't talk yourself out of it. you can be the luckiest guy in the world, smart, handsome, rich, whatever, and you will still feel like you are rotting from the inside.

Thanks peskypesky, I know exactly where your coming from, depression started a long time before my accident, the accident just made things a whole f#$%ing lot worse

SOL Guitars
www.solguitars.net

 

[peskypesky]

Thanks peskypesky, I know exactly where your coming from, depression started a long time before my accident, the accident just made things a whole f#$%ing worse

well, as i posted above, i have been treated extremely well by meds and am living a really good, fun life now. i look back with pity on the pesky who suffered for so many years.

 

[Grounded]

Conflicting loops of positive and negative is correct, I usually think of it as logic vs emotion.

Understanding the reason I'm here? I'm pretty sure I'm here for global domination, I gots plans! Still working the bugs out though.

Why you are here is one question. My question was "how" you got here.
A man's first wound comes from his father, and then it only get worse.

 

[stubewan]

I am Bipolar and am doing pretty good

I have been offically part of the club for 6.5 years, unoffically serving maybe 20 years. I am 45, I do take Cymbalta and Topamax. They are part of my daily life, but at very low doses. I have been able to really support and effect my mental state through diet and supplements. I am happier not taking as much medicine and I'm in much better health, lost 30 pounds, because of the foods that I am eating. My mental clarity is better, my focus is great. Those things are enough of a benefit to keep me taking my meds for how ever long I need to.

 

[psykhotic]

I think a large part of depression is because of how our society is. Over the last 50 years we've lost a lot of natural human interaction, our class systems are super screwed up, government, economy, etc etc. I don't want to sound too negative but reality has really started sucking.

It's kind of funny actually, here in the states we have so much more than a lot of people but we're also the largest consumer of pharmaceuticals for depression (guessing). I really do think it has to do with how little value we place on family/friends/treating others well. We're social beings and we've definitely screwed that up.

It is also biological. My grandfather was manic depressive and I sometimes feel the symptoms. For example it can take me hours to get out of bed some days. I also suffer from insomnia because I can't just relax and stop thinking.

Capt, thanks for telling us about your injury/disability. It makes your avatar make a lot more sense. Plus it's a great reminder to be thankful for everything we have. I'm glad you found guitar playing and this site. Although the internet has killed a lot of social interaction it's also opened us up to global communication which I think is pretty awesome.

 

[Voodoo Child]

Well I never dreamed I'd see a thread like this on a guitar forum... but then again music is about expressing ones soul and this thread deals w/ that as well. For me, everything bad began in 1995. I started working for the post office as a letter carrier. Great pay, walked 11-15 miles a day... everything was good.

Shortly after starting the job I noticed my weight was down. Way down. I was married and my wife was 5'10" and weighed 103 pounds soaking wet. One day I accidentally put on her jean shorts and they fit perfectly. From 165 to 100 was a sign that something was not right.

We scheduled a doctor appointment and I was diagnosed as being Type I Diabetic. If you don't know about diabetes all I can say is count your lucky stars. This is one of the worst things to have to deal with. Even keeping blood sugar levels in near perfect control since 1998 this decease just eats away at the body.

After being told I would have to inject needles into my body just to stay alive my employer, the lovely post office, told me that treating my diabetes while working was a "Time-Wasting Practice."

After nearly dying at work thanks to their ignorance I filed a lawsuit. Since they are Federal it's called an EEO, but it's the same thing. That took two years and a hearing before a Federal judge to get resolved. The judge found in my favor. I won a small amount of money and the right to treat myself at work.

After that I figured things would be cool. I mean, when a Federal judge slaps you upside the head, you would think they would get the message. But all it did was turn up the heat. The decision pissed off the Post Master and I had a bulls-eye on my back immediately afterward.

Within a short amount of time they {Managers/Supervisors/Post Master} started screwing w/ me everyday. Each day was a new adventure because I had no idea what they would try next. Finally, one day they told me I would be fired if caught treating my diabetes whilst on the clock. I suffered a hypoglycemic event that nearly killed me. With no choice but to quit or sue again, I filed another lawsuit.

Long story short... I was diagnosed w/ PTSD and all the crap that comes along w/ that. The second lawsuit turned into a third and then a fourth and the time to resolve all of this took 12 years.

All the horror stories you've heard about big companies... I can assure you they are true. In my second trial the judge told the post office they needed to settle the case... she knew they were lying on the stand and all the evidence was obvious. What did they do? Threatened the judge's job until she ruled in their favor. Her decision had 47 errors... misstated evidence, misquoted witnesses, had names wrong for witnesses... I mean it was a total joke.

But they got their way. That time.

Bottom line... don't go to work for the post office. Period. Second... if you have diabetes then you understand how horrible this stuff is. An A1C that averages 5.4 for the past 12 years and yet I still deal w/ the stuff of suffering from this as if I hadn't taken care of it at all. Add in PTSD and very little sleep, w/ horrifying nightmares... yeah, you get the idea.

Music is a lifeline... I thank God everyday for it.

 

[Anon113084]

anxiety and depression. xanax before bed seems to help even thru the next day.

 

[capt_goodvibes]

YouTube - Lou Reed : Magic & Loss 05 Magician (Internally)

Magician, Magician
take me upon your wings, and
gently roll the clouds away

I'm sorry, so sorry
I have no incantations
only words to help sweep me away

I want some magic to sweep me away
I want some magic to sweep me away
I want to count to five
turn around and find myself gone
Fly through the storm
and wake up in the calm

Release me from this body
from this bulk that moves beside me
Let me leave this body far away

I'm sick of looking at me
I hate this painful body
that disease has slowly worm away

Magician take my spirit
inside I'm young and vital
Inside I'm alive, please take me away

So many things to do, it's too early
for my life to be ending
For this body, to simply rot away

I want some magic to keep me alive
I want a miracle, I don't want to die
I'm afraid that if I go to sleep I'll never wake
I'll no longer exist
I'll close my eyes and disappear
and float into the mist

Somebody, please hear me
my hand can't hold a cup of coffee
My fingers are weak, things just fall away

Inside I'm young and pretty
too many things unfinished
My very breath taken away

Doctor you're no magician
and I am no believer
I need more than faith can give me now

I want to believe in miracles
not just belief in numbers
I need some magic to take me away

I want some magic to sweep me away
I want some magic to sweep me away
Visit on this starlit night
replace the stars the moon the light, the sun's gone
Fly me through this storm
and wake up in the calm
I fly right through this storm
and I wake, up, in, the, calm


SOL Guitars
www.solguitars.net

 

[TSims1]

I used to have issues with depression I suppose......but, I honestly feel that God and true love saved me from myself and got my mind and heart back on track. The last three years have been completely life-changing, and I am by far the healthiest I've ever been. Challenges will always come and go like seasons, but I am finally happy to have this chance at life.

 

[Dewey]

Good stuff Tony!

 

[peskypesky]

Voodoo Child,
I'm very sorry about the bad luck that's come your way. I have the utmost respect for you that you've kept going through all that. Although it sounds like you have been dealing with a whole lot of hell for years and years, I truly hope you've also had periods or moments of happiness and joy. Keep your chin up.

 

[Malikon]

I think a large part of depression is because of how our society is. Over the last 50 years we've lost a lot of natural human interaction, our class systems are super screwed up, government, economy, etc etc. I don't want to sound too negative but reality has really started sucking.

It's kind of funny actually, here in the states we have so much more than a lot of people but we're also the largest consumer of pharmaceuticals for depression (guessing). I really do think it has to do with how little value we place on family/friends/treating others well. We're social beings and we've definitely screwed that up.

It is also biological. My grandfather was manic depressive and I sometimes feel the symptoms. For example it can take me hours to get out of bed some days. I also suffer from insomnia because I can't just relax and stop thinking.

Capt, thanks for telling us about your injury/disability. It makes your avatar make a lot more sense. Plus it's a great reminder to be thankful for everything we have. I'm glad you found guitar playing and this site. Although the internet has killed a lot of social interaction it's also opened us up to global communication which I think is pretty awesome.

I pretty much agree with everything you said here but I bolded the parts that resonated. I've had insomnia for so many years and that's it exactly, I can't shut my brain off, so I just lay there thinking about stuff. No one's ever really gotten that or put it so simply in words. I'm glad it's not just me.

Also agreed on the internet being pretty cool in the sense that like this message board we get the chance to talk with people we normally wouldn't.

Voodoo Child, that's crazy that the US Post Office put you through all that. That would drive a person nuts.

 

[scotzoid]

I pretty much agree with everything you said here but I bolded the parts that resonated. I've had insomnia for so many years and that's it exactly, I can't shut my brain off, so I just lay there thinking about stuff. No one's ever really gotten that or put it so simply in words. I'm glad it's not just me.

Voodoo Child, that's crazy that the US Post Office put you through all that. That would drive a person nuts.

You know, they don't call it "going postal" for nothing...

 

[amstratnut]

I probably don't belong on this thread. I'm sometimes convinced i'm the lamest person on earth. I just have to "get over it" somethimes. I wish there was a pill for confidence.

 

[peskypesky]

I suffered from agonizing, crippling insomnia for several years. it ruined my last two years of college. it also led me to start drinking lots of hard liquor in a vain attempt to turn my mind off so i could sleep. turns out it was caused by my depression. it totally went away once i got on meds. i've had about 3 nights of insomnia in the past 15 years. my head hits the pillow and i am out within a few minutes. if that was the ONLY benefit of anti-depressants, that alone would keep me on them. insomnia SUCKS.

 

[Dewey]

I wish there was a pill for confidence.

I can relate to that Amstratnut!

 

[Atmarama]

I just seem to have a problem controlling that fatalistic, doomed voice in my head that always wants to tell me, "what's the point, nothing really matters, and we're all going to die anyway." And it's because of that voice that I don't like spending lots of money, or buying lots of "stuff," because I feel like what's the point in having lots of stuff? You can't take it with you. And because of this I never have any interest in the latest gadgets (like iphones) and the latest "cool, new, thing." Same with TV shows usually, it all just seems pointless.

I think it's not that I'm depressed, I definitely don't sit around lamenting my fate, but it's shaped my attitude to a point where I just don't feel like I have the time to waste or deal with stupid stuff. And honestly not much seems important to me other then making music, most of it just seems like a waste of life. I know people that run themselves ragged trying to juggle jobs, family, responsibility, career, etc. And I just find myself wondering when he's going to have anytime to learn about himself and spend time doing what he'd like to do.

I understand that life isn't supposed to be fun and there's a good amount of work involved. But I don't understand the zombies I see running around chasing that next piece of cheese (iphone) and just constantly moving, but not really living.

I think I don't get depressed too much, but I find when I look at the world and at society in general I do get depressed. Because I try to look at humans as a species, and they're such a young, flawed, species. It's depressing.

We could be sooooooooo much better then we are, and I just can't understand why instead of evolving and advancing, we seem trapped in a self destructive spiral of greed.

I look at the world and I shake my head, and then I feel very sad. So I write a song about it and I usually feel better. But it's only a matter of time before I see or hear something else that sends me right back into that headspace.

I suppose I don't consider medication or anything because so far it hasn't been debilitating, and at the same time I wonder if I'd even play guitar and write if I didn't have the blues anymore.

Plus there's the voice of my Dad in my head going, "What the @#$% are you complaining about? Oh? We're SAD?!?! MEN DON'T GET SAD! Suck it up. Life sucks, deal with it, one day you'll be dead and none of it will have mattered anyway."

I just don't think medication will fix that. I need to change the way I think and view the world, I think medication will only dull the thoughts really.

It's something I'll have to do on my own if I ever think it's becoming a big problem.

Nah, leads to good songs. Life is pain, no amount of telling myself different will change that. Human history makes it perfectly clear we're animals.

Besides, the whole point of the poem is to embrace those small happy moments, because that's what makes life worth living. It's not negativity, it's therapy.

The irony of medicating myself would be that it would make me stop writing, stop playing, thus cease to have a function, which actually would probably lead to suicide. If I can't play guitar there's no point in being here, it's what I am and it's what I do. You don't grow up with your arms wrapped around something for 23 of your 33 years, and not have it become a part of you. If introspective pain is what makes me a decent guitar player, I'll embrace the pain. I realize the flawed logic in loving something that can't love me back and investing part of my personality in an inanimate instrument. But at the same time, and I don't say this lightly, nothing in the world has ever made me feel happier or more at peace then when I'm playing guitar. Not love, not family, not anything.

When I'm playing, I'm not "me" anymore, and I wouldn't, couldn't give that up for anything or anyone. To be able to escape myself is the guitars greatest gift.

Why you are here is one question. My question was "how" you got here.
A man's first wound comes from his father, and then it only get worse.

I think a large part of depression is because of how our society is. Over the last 50 years we've lost a lot of natural human interaction, our class systems are super screwed up, government, economy, etc etc. I don't want to sound too negative but reality has really started sucking.

It's kind of funny actually, here in the states we have so much more than a lot of people but we're also the largest consumer of pharmaceuticals for depression (guessing). I really do think it has to do with how little value we place on family/friends/treating others well. We're social beings and we've definitely screwed that up.

It is also biological. My grandfather was manic depressive and I sometimes feel the symptoms. For example it can take me hours to get out of bed some days. I also suffer from insomnia because I can't just relax and stop thinking.

Capt, thanks for telling us about your injury/disability. It makes your avatar make a lot more sense. Plus it's a great reminder to be thankful for everything we have. I'm glad you found guitar playing and this site. Although the internet has killed a lot of social interaction it's also opened us up to global communication which I think is pretty awesome.

I used to have issues with depression I suppose......but, I honestly feel that God and true love saved me from myself and got my mind and heart back on track. The last three years have been completely life-changing, and I am by far the healthiest I've ever been. Challenges will always come and go like seasons, but I am finally happy to have this chance at life.

Society as we know it is not at all aimed towards finding lasting peace and satisfaction. It is unashamedly geared towards instant temporary gratification which does absolutely nothing to satisfy the inner yearnings of the soul. This kind of society will naturally lead to innumerable problems, depression being just one.

Actually any right thinking person should be quite thoughtful and not a little concerned about life as we know it. We should be asking the ultimate questions - Who am I? - What is it all about? etc. If we cease to question these vital points we are living just as the animals, with no thought about the nature of reality - just going about trying to get the most sense gratification possible.

Actually this is what we see society doing. And those who see through the hoax and question it, becoming concerned or depressed (depression arises when you can tell/see something is wrong, but feel powerless to fix it), are told "chin up" "take these pills" "just try enjoy" etc. Basically just forget about these problems you see, because I also don't know the answers.

But they are LEGITIMATE questions! Why are we all going to die? Why do we suffer? Do we think it is random? Some suffer and some enjoy just at random? No. Everything we experience in this material realm is due to our past activities (Karma, or "As you sow, so shall you reap").

In the Bhagavad Gita it explains "For the Soul there is neither birth nor death at any time. He is not slain when the body is slain". The soul is different to the body. The body is like our clothes, they become old, and eventually get thrown away. But the soul is the real person. The soul is unchanging. The body is the temporary vehicle that we have, but the soul is the driver.

We feed and look after the body as if it is our real self. Depression is the result of neglecting the needs of the soul. It is natures way of making us wake up. But we are so anti nature in this modern age, we invent some pills to make us forget...

 

[peskypesky]

Psychedelic Drugs Show Promise as Anti-Depressants: Scientific American