i have no idea what to say

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by heltershelton, Aug 20, 2018.

  1. rolandson

    rolandson Dr. Stratster

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    Then there's my brother...

    A lawyer turned home remodeling...guy... who hasn't touched a drop or milligram in 35 and 20 years respectively and who, following the last time he checked into rehab (under threat from his former spouse) and getting clean, figured out why and...

    ...filed for divorce.

    Apparently there was a reason for his issues.
     
  2. moullineaux

    moullineaux Senior Stratmaster

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    I have dealt with the addiction thing( monster) with a brother and with a kid. The brother lives 300 miles away so the exposure was less but still prevalent. He lost everything, wife, house, job his daughter and for years our relationship because although I loved him and was there for him, I was not going to take his abuse or BS. Alchohol, oxy, and who knows what else. He’s been in and out of rehabs and is currently 9 mos. sober. The kid was smoking that spice crap and literally had a mental snap from which it has taken years to recover and he is still not “ normal”. My point is that the problem lies in the person’s psychology and physiology and the drugs are perceived as a way out of the pain, sadness, whatever the person is trying to avoid. Until they are willing to be honest with themselves and face what is “ really “ going on inside their head, the chances of recovery are slim. All we can do as friends and loved ones is be honest and supportive( NOT OF THE DRUG ABUSE) and avoid being enablers. You cannot force someone to be sober. They have to WANT to be or they will not ever be. Rock bottom is a scary place but often the only place from which one can recover. I have great empathy for your friend and you and I hope one day she gets help. Support her if she does but don’t get sucked into her addiction. All the best and good luck.
     
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  3. john lavelle

    john lavelle Senior Stratmaster Gold Supporting Member

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    Kelly, I have a 40 yr old stepdaughter who is a slave to heroin. My son, her brother was killed in January. He was only 23. She is devastated. I really want her to spend time with my family, but my fiance has two kids, 11 and 13. I just can't have her around these two impressionable kids. I talked to her at length at my son's funeral, asking her to get clean. At least for the sake of rebuilding a relationship with her mom. No luck. The moral of my input is that it is only she who can make better decisions. All you can do is he the best friend you can and not enable her.
     
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  4. Nadnitram

    Nadnitram Most Honored Senior Member

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    Kelly, let yourself off the hook. You are not going to be able to help her. She needs medical treatment.

    Once upon a time, she could have chosen to not take drugs. As a full-blown addict, she no longer has that choice. At this point, trying to convince her to stop being an addict is as hopeless as trying to convince someone to stop having cancer or stop being diabetic.


    EDIT: I realize that wasn't very clear. By "let yourself off the hook," I mean emotionally. You can't feel responsible for her success or failure -- that's gotta be on her.

    You're a good person for trying to help her. I'm sure she needs somebody stable in her life, somebody trustworthy who doesn't want anything from her. You're filling that need.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2018
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  5. Fuzzpop

    Fuzzpop Guitar in the Space Age! Platinum Supporting Member

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    As someone with 6 years of sobriety, I can say (much like others have said) that you can only offer your support and help her if she decides to get clean. But she has to make that decision herself or it just won't stick.

    Good luck to you and to her.
     
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  6. ocean

    ocean Most Honored Senior Member

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    don't give up on her in my opinion, everyone needs someone.
    and if she ended up with nobody she would only get worse.
    but don't expect to change her. not going to happen. but what do I know.
     
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