Life events and hobbies

Discussion in 'Sidewinders Bar & Grille' started by CalicoSkies, Oct 15, 2021.

  1. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member Gold Supporting Member

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    I've been in a bit of a funk this past year, due to getting divorced last year. It has been just over a year now since my ex wife and I parted ways and she moved out of state. I was sad when we were going through the divorce last year, and I thought I had started feeling better about it, but in the past couple months or so, I've been feeling sad about the divorce again. Although sometimes honestly I felt like my ex was hard on me (which wasn't ideal), we did have good times, and I've been thinking back and missing her and missing the good times we had, and feeling sad that it's over. I feel like our marriage just slipped away. We're still in contact too (partially because we have some ongoing stuff), and although she was the one who brought up divorce, she has said she didn't want to get divorced (it was a situation where divorce seemed like the best option).

    I'm not sure I'd want to get back together with my ex (and I'm seeing someone new now too), but I'm still sad about how it ended and feel like part of my life & part of my self is missing.

    Earlier this year, I had started to lose interest in things I used to enjoy doing, including guitar/music playing. This is a sign of depression, and I may well be going through a depression right now. Recently I started to feel like getting back into things I used to enjoy, and I bought a guitar a couple months ago. More recently I've felt like getting back into retro video gaming (which is another thing I've enjoyed). I've bought a couple old video game consoles (which weren't too expensive), but I find I'm just not as motivated to be into things as I thought. I still haven't played guitar much lately either.

    Sometimes I feel like some of the hobbies & things I've been interested in just isn't very important or meaningful in the grand scheme of things. Have you ever felt that way? I have a feeling that might be a bad/dangerous thing to feel - I think it's good to have interests & be motivated in life. I don't want to slip into endlessly feeling unmotivated and uninterested in things.
     
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  2. Guitarmageddon

    Guitarmageddon Dr. Stratster

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    For retro gaming, this will blow your mind....but this too shall pass, you'll find passion again soon, things happen in cycles......

    https://www.atgames.net/arcades/legends-ultimate-mini/
     
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  3. Chuck8436

    Chuck8436 Senior Stratmaster

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    I feel that way all the time. I just try to ignore it. That tends to make me a little happier. Just not thinking about it
     
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  4. RaySachs

    RaySachs Senior Stratmaster Gold Supporting Member

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    I'm one of the lucky ones who's been married to the same woman a long loooong time. If our marriage were to fail, or if it had failed at any point after the first few years (particularly once kids were involved), I'd have been devastated. I frankly can't imagine how I'd have coped. So, I have to think what you're going through is normal. If you think you're seriously depressed, go get help. I went and saw a shrink once in my life when I was getting overwhelmed by events - only saw him 3-4 times and it made a HUGE difference. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt the need.

    Music / guitar is one of the joys of my life, but if the really important stuff was going south, I'm sure guitar would seem, and BE, unimportant in comparison. Hell, I stopped playing almost completely for 30 years because other life events were just taking up too much time to do music right. I'm back into it the past five years and loving it, but it's not the most important thing in my life. Take care of yourself - the guitar will still be there when you're ready for it...

    -Ray
     
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  5. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member Gold Supporting Member

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    All the time? Why? Was there something that triggered it initially?
     
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  6. cranky

    cranky Senior Stratmaster

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    It helps to either have a vision or have at least one other person to be a part of it. Use it as a way to reach out, rather than isolate.
     
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  7. guitarface

    guitarface Most Honored Senior Member

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    Ive felt similar things. If you think too hard about anything it becomes meaningless. I say what’s the point of me wanking around with a guitar in my “music room.” But then there’s be no life so you have to make peace with doing things just because they’re a little fun or interesting to you.
     
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  8. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member Gold Supporting Member

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    I have talked to a therapist (and have been since April), initially weekly but now about every 3-4 weeks (it has been via online video sessions). At times I think it has been helpful, but other times I'm not entirely sure how much it has helped. I've wondered if maybe there are other therapists who could help more.. It was hard even finding a therapist who was available that soon. When I started looking for a therapist in April, I started with my health insurance web site and then checked other sites, and so many therapists were booked up for months. I imagine the covid situation has had a lot of people in therapy recently.
     
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  9. cranky

    cranky Senior Stratmaster

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    I, too feel like this a lot.

    But it's not from any single life event. My parents were angry people, I was scapegoated most of my childhood (think "kick the dog" syndrome), and I emerged with a deep self-loathing complex and behavior patterns that I never recognized until recently. I fight it every day.
     
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  10. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Have you talked to a therapist? That sounds like something that would seriously affect your happiness and well-being.
     
  11. Chuck8436

    Chuck8436 Senior Stratmaster

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    It's probably depression. I've been this way as long as I can remember, I just try not to think about it. My happiest moments are when I'm able to get lost in the moment. Not thinking about the past or future
     
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  12. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member Gold Supporting Member

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    I think it's important to remember the past parts of my life, but I do think that thinking about things too much can be a bad thing.
     
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  13. thomquietwolf

    thomquietwolf Dr. Stratster Gold Supporting Member Silver Member

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    Partially
    Post divorce #3
    Drank and got fired a lot
    Lost my sponsorship, quit racing....
    Then
    Bought A 750
    Put roughly 65,000 on it....(back roads Oregon, Nevada, CA)(idaho)
    Time passed
    Time passed
    Time passed
    Then it was July

    Life is/can be like a bowl of oatmeal
    Sorta blah
    But
    Now and then
    Ya sprinkle on some sugar or half n half
     
  14. StratUp

    StratUp Senior Stratmaster

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    You might want to read Ekhart Tolle's "Power of Now". Don't watch his videos; they're a prescription for boring. Read the book. It helps with getting into the "moment" - beyond the conventional definitions.
     
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  15. Stormy Monday

    Stormy Monday Blooze daddy Silver Member

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    I dunno, I was pretty happy when my divorce was finalized. It was worth the car payment every month. YMMV
     
  16. cranky

    cranky Senior Stratmaster

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    Yes and yes.

    I'm learning how to be happy. Re-parenting. Working toward the idea that success and happiness are okay things. Working toward the idea that I'm not going to #### up everything I do . . . and that it's okay if I do #### something up . . . and not to self-sabotage my projects just so I can look back and tell myself "told you so, told you you would #### it up" (because that's my parents talking). But yeah, some days I don't feel fit to be out in the world and I just have to fake it. I used to think that everyone was faking it, but I was just projecting.

    There's this thing . . . like a chicken-and-egg thing. When I'm not emotional about something, I'm a fairly transcendent person. I don't know if being transcendent has gotten me through things, or if those things kind of drove me toward a more transcendent nature. I have that quality that my siblings do not have, I go the the meta level rather quickly, for better or worse. For years I hid my own emotional retardation (medically speaking) mainly in intellectual pursuits but also the occasional anger issues (doing what a scapegoat learns to do). So I've had the luxury over the past couple years of retracing my steps and exploring how my "intellect" and "transcendence" were actually me compensating for my emotional deficit and then trying to recalibrate my intellectual views and tendencies accordingly. I'm far less likely to blame "society" than I once was, for sure. But still, I struggle to do things. I'm a thinker more than a doer, and that might never change.

    But for you . . . have you ever read Freud's Five Lectures on Psychoanalysis? He draws a fantastic analogy to a person who spends an inordinate time dwelling on and stopping at every monument there is.

    Given how much you've brought this topic up by way of ST threads, I'd guess you're at a crossroads. You can either fight to get back what you lost, or you can fight your way out of the gauntlet of monuments that you're confronting, monuments that are either genuine or that you've erected out of a hesitancy to move on. Interestingly, you've said a few times that she was hard on you. So, what do you think it would be like to have somebody be easy on you?
     
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  17. CalicoSkies

    CalicoSkies Most Honored Senior Member Gold Supporting Member

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    That reminds me that I've heard mindfulness can sometimes help, as it helps you clear thoughts and focus on the now.

    Even if we might not have fit well in all things, we had good times too, and I miss that. She has also said sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone.. I've been sad about what has been lost.
     
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  18. ukoldgit

    ukoldgit Most Honored Senior Member

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    Done two, yep it's tough but there's always an end to it, hang in there, patience costs nothing, foresight is free too, hindsight always comes with baggage.
     
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  19. Stratafied

    Stratafied Dr. Stratster

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    Kinda sounds like depression with some anxiety. Talking to a professional could be very helpful. You shouldn’t have to feel like this every day. Hopefully you find the answer.
     
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  20. Stormy Monday

    Stormy Monday Blooze daddy Silver Member

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    You've been handed an opportunity to start over. Take this and enjoy
     
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