scoobyzjr
Cranky Old Strat Man
I have been happily married for 25 years.....but my wife is a divorce lawyer. I hear the horrible stories. I don't think I would get married if I were still single.
Older, happily (or unhappily) married people, what advice do you have for 26 year old me?
- Thread starter bah humbuck
- Start date
monte merrick
Most Honored Senior Member
For real advice, find better sources than an Internet forum.
tubedude
Senior Stratmaster
Thru your actions let her know you always have her back.
Know when she needs help and when she's just whining, I mean blowing off steam.
Have a short memory when she makes mistakes.
Know when she needs help and when she's just whining, I mean blowing off steam.
Have a short memory when she makes mistakes.
Cali Dude
Senior Stratmaster
Learn that most differences are not worth arguing about. Avoid being critical. Praise each other ; "You look beautiful." "That was a fantastic dinner." Etc.... The phrase "thank you" can't be used too much. Keep the passion alive. Make her and your relationship a priority. Little surprises, just to let her know how much you think about her are always appreciated. I could go on and on.
Oh, to be 26 and in love--that was a great time for me. Good for you.
Just like playing music, the most important thing is listening. In 20 years, neither of you will be the same person you are today. But if you listen to each other, you'll stay compatible.
Just like playing music, the most important thing is listening. In 20 years, neither of you will be the same person you are today. But if you listen to each other, you'll stay compatible.
If one or both of you expects the other to change into their perfect man or woman, it's probably not going to work. Been in four serious, long-term relationships in my life and my current GF is the first I've been able to just be myself around. She feels the same way.
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scoobyzjr
Cranky Old Strat Man
Mistakes? According to my wife, she has not made one. EVER. I'll stay on the lookout though.
Nate D
Dr. Stratster
married 13 years next month here…
You gotta be 100% all in all the times. Because there are times your 100% will be 10% and you’ll need to be carried. And there are times you’ll carry your spouse.
In the end it’s a deep and unbelievably rewarding experience. It’s hard, but nothing good is easy.
To quote Olivia Harrison, “The secret to a long marriage is don’t get divorced.”
It’s good advice. Be committed to being the 50% who weather the storm together.
You gotta be 100% all in all the times. Because there are times your 100% will be 10% and you’ll need to be carried. And there are times you’ll carry your spouse.
In the end it’s a deep and unbelievably rewarding experience. It’s hard, but nothing good is easy.
To quote Olivia Harrison, “The secret to a long marriage is don’t get divorced.”
It’s good advice. Be committed to being the 50% who weather the storm together.
knh555
Most Honored Senior Member
Love is a verb, not a noun.
It's what you do for her, not how she makes you feel.
It's what you do for her, not how she makes you feel.
Exhead
Strat-Tinkerer
Pretty good advice so far from both sides of the aisle. I too would say ring size, wedding size, none of these things should matter as they have nothing to do with long lasting happiness.
Trust, commitment, acceptance, compromise, admiration and faith in yourself and your mate is all I can add. I got really lucky in finding a faithful loving wife whom I married in 1997 and still going strong. I was married before this and that was a disaster, to young, to immature, to wild and married for the wrong reasons. Since Believer shared his pic I will share mine.
Trust, commitment, acceptance, compromise, admiration and faith in yourself and your mate is all I can add. I got really lucky in finding a faithful loving wife whom I married in 1997 and still going strong. I was married before this and that was a disaster, to young, to immature, to wild and married for the wrong reasons. Since Believer shared his pic I will share mine.
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This is/was awful
But
First three times I married Gorgeous women that would have sex with me...
Turns out
If they'd have sex with me, they'd have sex with anyone and everyone...
So
I added a criteria
Employable, even better employed(adds self worth
)
But
First three times I married Gorgeous women that would have sex with me...
Turns out
If they'd have sex with me, they'd have sex with anyone and everyone...
So
I added a criteria
Employable, even better employed(adds self worth
)
crankmeister
Most Honored Senior Member
22 years.
Communicate about everything and grow together. You’re gonna grow . . . especially if you have kids . . . so growing together is the cornerstone.
The foundation — the greatest of these — is love. But after that, it’s communication and the trust that comes with it. It will empower all of the give-and-take that comes with a relationship.
And just in case you didn’t grow up with sisters, be prepared to buy much more and much softer toilet paper than you are probably used to.
Communicate about everything and grow together. You’re gonna grow . . . especially if you have kids . . . so growing together is the cornerstone.
The foundation — the greatest of these — is love. But after that, it’s communication and the trust that comes with it. It will empower all of the give-and-take that comes with a relationship.
And just in case you didn’t grow up with sisters, be prepared to buy much more and much softer toilet paper than you are probably used to.
I can give this. I didn't get married until I was 39. If I had it all my way, it would have been a year earlier. I struggled with finding the right one for a couple decades and would always be let down. Then I realized, I wasn't struggling with finding the right partner but finding myself. Remember that your wife is not just your wife, partner, best friend, girlfriend, confidant or other half. She is ALL OF THEM. So you NEED to be all of them to her...even more so.
Also remember that a good marriage is NEVER 50/50. It always needs to be 100/100. If you two are only meeting in the middle what happens when you are having an off day, are preoccupied or sick? There is a gap and that gap needs to be filled.
My relationship with my wife was tested very early. 3 months after we started dating, almost to the day, I was hit by a car while on the job. My first reaction was to call my girlfriend. Not my family, not my other friends... her. I was still laying in the middle of the street at that point, too. I had her call the others while I was being carted to the hospital.
That was in June, 2011. In spring 2012, I was ready to propose. I bought a ring and took her out to a really nice dinner where I planned to discretely purpose at the table. While feeling out the conversation for the right moment, she said, "Ask me in a year". That ring stayed in my pocket that night. About 9 months later, I asked her in the privacy of my apartment. When she said yes, I was so humbled that I actually said, "really?". We still laugh about that to this day.
This July, we will celebrate our 10th anniversary.
Love without regard for yourself.
Listen to her (don't just hear her)
Be willing to continuously learn her.
Always protect her.
Don't squabble about things that don't matter.
Resolve ALL issues before you go to sleep.
Laugh at yourselves and each other.
Learn your finances together and work to stay out of debt (We did Financial Peace University together before we got married, might not be for you, but it worked for us)
Build long-term goals and work to make them happen.
NEVER EVER EVER EVER stop dating (kissing included) her.
Never be to big to say I'm sorry.
So many more things to tell but the last for now...
Don't wait for a really expensive fancy ring. Get something nice that is affordable. Then expand on it later if you choose. The ring is nothing more that...a ring. Yes, it's nice but you should be her prize as she should be yours.
My wife (who is my everything listed above and more) and I never fight. We talk things through. We may not always agree on some things but we ALWAYS do where it counts.
Also remember that a good marriage is NEVER 50/50. It always needs to be 100/100. If you two are only meeting in the middle what happens when you are having an off day, are preoccupied or sick? There is a gap and that gap needs to be filled.
My relationship with my wife was tested very early. 3 months after we started dating, almost to the day, I was hit by a car while on the job. My first reaction was to call my girlfriend. Not my family, not my other friends... her. I was still laying in the middle of the street at that point, too. I had her call the others while I was being carted to the hospital.
That was in June, 2011. In spring 2012, I was ready to propose. I bought a ring and took her out to a really nice dinner where I planned to discretely purpose at the table. While feeling out the conversation for the right moment, she said, "Ask me in a year". That ring stayed in my pocket that night. About 9 months later, I asked her in the privacy of my apartment. When she said yes, I was so humbled that I actually said, "really?". We still laugh about that to this day.
This July, we will celebrate our 10th anniversary.
Love without regard for yourself.
Listen to her (don't just hear her)
Be willing to continuously learn her.
Always protect her.
Don't squabble about things that don't matter.
Resolve ALL issues before you go to sleep.
Laugh at yourselves and each other.
Learn your finances together and work to stay out of debt (We did Financial Peace University together before we got married, might not be for you, but it worked for us)
Build long-term goals and work to make them happen.
NEVER EVER EVER EVER stop dating (kissing included) her.
Never be to big to say I'm sorry.
So many more things to tell but the last for now...
Don't wait for a really expensive fancy ring. Get something nice that is affordable. Then expand on it later if you choose. The ring is nothing more that...a ring. Yes, it's nice but you should be her prize as she should be yours.
My wife (who is my everything listed above and more) and I never fight. We talk things through. We may not always agree on some things but we ALWAYS do where it counts.
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Stay single.
Stratafied
Dr. Stratster
Put your wife above your job, and Let her be who she wants to be, also don’t ever lie. I’ve been married 4 times, so it took me a while to figure this out.
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tubedude
Senior Stratmaster
Good advice.
Note: Not all long marriages are good marriages
