Relationships

mjea80

Lost In The Light
Silver Member
Feb 17, 2019
692
North of most.
Hey @CalicoSkies.

What about for the time being get back on the dating apps and find a couple new women to talk to, you’ll soon forget about her.

Use this as a learning experience, in that maybe you expressed your feelings too soon for her.

Moving forward don’t tell women how you feel, show them. Keep them guessing, and if things work out, they will and if not just keep on truckin’.

There is a lot of truth to The Beatles song “You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away”. Or atleast until you’re almost certain it can be said.
 

Baelzebub

Dr. Stratster
Nov 1, 2019
14,744
State of Disbelief
The thing about ghosting is there's no explanation for the ghosting. She did say she was enjoying my friendship and company. The last message I got from her was she wasn't feeling well enough to hang out that day. If she'd say she wasn't interested in the friendship anymore, or explain if it's hard for her to do that, I'd feel like that would be some sense of closure. I had sent a couple texts to check in after that, which she did not respond to. It feels like I'm being ignored. And the thing is, she had previously said she was having some feelings for me as well (though has a hard time with love due to past trauma). I feel like she had given some other signals as well. I felt like in general I had gotten mixed signals from her. I think she may have wanted a relationship eventually, and perhaps something I did or said messed things up. But I don't think I really did anything wrong..

Well..maybe your therapist can help you work through that. Because I see the explanation a being, you told her what you wanted...she said she couldn't give it to your...couple weeks later, you get together, there's no tension, easy and fun...

If she enjoys your company, she's probably hoping things will change a bit too...as you say,she said you had feelimgs.

And then you pounced on her to do it again the very next day.... If you made a "mistake" it was that one, cause that's when she got spooked. Said she'd text. Made an excuse. And gone.

If you texted her at the same number you always have and she isn't responding you are being ignored. There is no other reasonable explanation.

What mistake you made doesn't change what you have to do. You're reliving what you can't ever go back and change. The only way forward IS forward.

That's all I've learned about how it goes.
 
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CalicoSkies

Most Honored Senior Member
Gold Supporting Member
Jun 10, 2013
7,152
Beaverton, OR, USA
Hey @CalicoSkies.

What about for the time being get back on the dating apps and find a couple new women to talk to, you’ll soon forget about her.

Use this as a learning experience, in that maybe you expressed your feelings too soon for her.

Moving forward don’t tell women how you feel, show them. Keep them guessing, and if things work out, they will and if not just keep on truckin’.

There is a lot of truth to The Beatles song “You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away”. Or atleast until you’re almost certain it can be said.
I've thought about getting back on dating apps, though right now I don't feel like I'm in a good mental/emotional state to do that. I'd want to offer myself as a good potential partner ready for a relationship, and I'm not sure I'm 100% myself right now.

It was getting harder and harder for me to hide how I felt. The more I felt, the harder it was to hold out and wait. At some point, I think at least one person has to communicate how they're feeling about things.
 

hogrider16

Strat-Talker
Jul 26, 2017
149
Martinsburg, WV
There are no short cuts to mending a broken heart. Whenever anyone wants to be a friend because of past relationships, I have only one thing to say

Run forrest run.jpg

I'm sorry if someone was hurt, but I'm not cleaning up someone else's mess and I'm not paying the price because someone else treated you bad.
 

AntStrat

Dr. Stratster
May 6, 2019
13,220
US
Sorry you are going through this but am glad you are talking about it. Holding stuff like this in only makes you feel worse.
 

misterwogan

Senior Stratmaster
Mar 5, 2011
4,154
London
I've thought about getting back on dating apps, though right now I don't feel like I'm in a good mental/emotional state to do that. I'd want to offer myself as a good potential partner ready for a relationship, and I'm not sure I'm 100% myself right now.

If it's going to happen, then it will probably happen when somebody finds you - finds you in a contented and relaxed state, suitable material for a long-term relationship. So you will need to become happy and contented with yourself.
 

mjea80

Lost In The Light
Silver Member
Feb 17, 2019
692
North of most.
I've thought about getting back on dating apps, though right now I don't feel like I'm in a good mental/emotional state to do that. I'd want to offer myself as a good potential partner ready for a relationship, and I'm not sure I'm 100% myself right now.

It was getting harder and harder for me to hide how I felt. The more I felt, the harder it was to hold out and wait. At some point, I think at least one person has to communicate how they're feeling about things.

You said there is also a friendship section as well. This might be a good option in that a couple new friends will help you move forward from the last one. :)
 

amstratnut

Peace thru Music.
Dec 1, 2009
21,726
My house.
I'm surprised it has been a month already since I posted this thread. And I just realized all the replies (so far) were on the same day..

Regarding the lady I met on the dating app, who I mentioned in my first post, there's an update - I went to hang out with her a couple weeks ago on a Saturday. This was after she told me she can't offer more than friendship due to issues she's working through. We hung out, watched some TV, and ate a bit. When I was leaving, I asked if she'd want to hang out the next day, and she said she'd text me. She did, and said she wasn't feeling well and had to rest for work. That was the last I've heard from her. It's been about 2 and a half weeks, so now I feel like I've been ghosted. She had said she enjoyed & appreciated my friendship and company, so this has had me confused and hurt. I thought it was really nice spending time with her, and it was good to have a friend like that to spend time with (when she was available), especially since covid started, and especially since I got divorced last year.

I've still been feeling down and unmotivated, not quite myself. Lonely as well. I've been wondering if I'm going through a depression, but I'm not sure. My experience with the lady I met has really thrown me for a loop and has also had me questioning how I can fall for people and get my heart broken; I've also been questioning how I've often tended to not go out much - I usually come home from work and relax at home and do my own thing. I feel like I have only a small group of friends & family I talk to, and it seems many people are fairly busy these days. In times like this, I tend to want to reach out to people and have support and distract myself.

I'm still going through a hard time. I feel like I've been knocked down from the pain of heartbreak, and I'd like to get through this and feel more normal again. And I'd still like to eventually find someone special in my life to spend quality time with and not be lonely. But people say your happiness shouldn't depend on another person; I feel like I need to be happy by myself now.

Id see a therapist. No shame in it. But, it sounds a bit like youre having trouble feeling good about yourself. You need to feel good about yourself to move on.
 

amstratnut

Peace thru Music.
Dec 1, 2009
21,726
My house.
I've sometimes been having a hard time laughing at comedy lately.
Also, as far as being ghosted, the trouble is being left hanging without closure, wondering why they don't seem to want to even talk to me anymore. I've been wondering if I did or said something wrong, after she said she enjoyed my friendship and had been texting me almost daily.

It took me a long time to realize its not me, its them. Youre a good guy. If someone ghosts you its a reflection on them not you. You just cant afford to wonder whats wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you other than the big life hit youre taking.
 

CalicoSkies

Most Honored Senior Member
Gold Supporting Member
Jun 10, 2013
7,152
Beaverton, OR, USA
It took me a long time to realize its not me, its them. Youre a good guy. If someone ghosts you its a reflection on them not you. You just cant afford to wonder whats wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you other than the big life hit youre taking.
Yeah, I try to remind myself of that.
 

misterwogan

Senior Stratmaster
Mar 5, 2011
4,154
London
Yeah, I try to remind myself of that.

A couple of years ago you come on here and bared your soul and told us that you'd lost your job and were understandably worried about that. You've clearly sorted that out to your satisfaction - well done. In the same way, you will deal with and overcome this situation. That is axiomatic. And then, when you get older - you will wonder what all the fuss was about.
 

CalicoSkies

Most Honored Senior Member
Gold Supporting Member
Jun 10, 2013
7,152
Beaverton, OR, USA
Is it possible the new relationship has brought up some emotions from the divorce that you didn’t know were there?
I'm not sure. I felt like I was ready to meet someone new. With the new person I met, the mixed signals and getting my hopes up (and developing feelings) and then being let down has had me feeling very heartbroken & down. For me it has felt different from the divorce.

It didn't really enter the 'relationship' stage either, but I had some hopes there..
 


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